Love in the 4th Person

This post came to me after looking at some old poems and some friends Facebook pages. (No I wasn't cyber stalking, this time lol) but it reminded me that when we love for selfish reasons, we can not accept selfless love. The poem that I'm going to post was written probably six years ago. Earlier today I wrote an apology on my FB page that said "I apologize for loving you selfishly, I thought it was selflessly, its funny how similar the two are." That was intended for a certain person but she doesn't believe it and I can't make her. Maybe I should have said it to her directly but I thought its better served for everyone to see because I can think of multiple times where I have loved selfishly under the guise of unconditional love. Hope you guys enjoy this piece as I've never read it for anyone or shared it with anyone. Oh and I also got some help from some co-workers of mine from my Hartford days. Anyway here goes;

She kissed me with the same betrayal as Judas did Christ
Lacking serendipity to escape being deceived twice
She penetrated my mind like the crown of thorns penetrated His head
She pierced my side, feet and hands like the nails they used to
Hold Him to the cross

She crucified me
Said her heart was broken
and living wasn't an option

I opted to stay up, not able to sleep
Something she said plays on my mind
Like a song on repeat

I didn't see the signs
I knew she was heartbroken
Still in love with the one she said kept her breathless
He said she kept him breathless
Touched his mind, body, spirit

They connected from the mind,
To the body, and
Soul mates they were

And here I was in the middle
Three's a crowd, not company
What's comforting is
I want her to be happy

But not with him

She said she loved me unconditionally
Except for the fact that we were raised differently
I told her I was raised to see sunrises and sunshine
But to know the rain was never too far behind

So I had a melancholy outlook on love
She said she had the same outlook on life
But we gelled together like a Thelonious Monk song
Round Bout Midnight

So far off time
But perfectly in time
We were perfectly in line
For the next note
The next moment in time that's imperfect

Re: Evolution of Love

I'm back and even though I haven't posted in weeks it feels good to be back. I'm working on a new poetry project entitled The Re:Evolution of Love. Ever since I completed my first project Morning Service I wanted to do an album of love poems and songs. This is what the new project is going to be. But putting it together has been more eye opening than I thought. First I was just going to take some of the poems about love that I already had and make backing music to them but then I got the idea to make sections, three in total Eros, Philia, and Agape. Each set of poems within the section will describe the feeling of the particular type of love. As I was/am going through my archives I am finding things out about each type of love that I had not known. I'm also finding out things about me that I didn't know. To say the least this project is a struggle, from finding music that is moving to writing new material I'm finding it difficult to get it out, but I know its in there. So I began to look inside myself and my surroundings to see what the problem is.
 This journey where ever it leads me, I feel like on the other side I'm going to be a changed poet, a changed person and have a renewed spirit.

I'm beginning to no longer believe in the notion of love as it pertains to romantic relationships. I have no one to blame but myself for letting it get to this point. Its easy to fall into infatuation with some one, its hard to love them and almost impossible to have that unconditional type of love for a person. I fooled myself into thinking I had achieved this for a person but that was before the "end" of our time together. I thought not caring was the same as loving unconditionally but I was wrong. Not caring in itself is self-sabotage to truly loving when you break down the reasons for not caring.

For me it was "well if it doesn't bother her to treat me this way, it doesn't bother me to act apathetic towards her" but what I really was saying was "I'm upset that you aren't loving me the way I want to be or deserve to be loved." I know a lot of times when people think of Eros they immediately think of physical, sensual, erotic, sexual love. In my opinion it also is selfish love meaning we give our love selfishly. For instance, "I love you because you do this or that for me, and if you stop doing those things I won't love you anymore." Its like we have to have a reason to give love, make it beneficial for us.

Now don't get me wrong I'm not saying this is a good or bad ideal, I'm just saying that it is. So, how do we transcend to loving more selflessly? This to me is partially what the Re:Evolution of love is about. Showing the different types of love, the different phases of love and the transcendence we all have inside of us to love differently. For me, I want the listeners of this project to feel like," yeah I've been there," but to also feel that after listening they have the power inside them to love differently, more effectively and most of all more fully.

Hopefully it won't take me too long to complete this project but I will make sure that you get your monies worth and hopefully it will be something to talk about that changes the way we think about love, loving and being loved.

Peace, J

  Love Poem #9 by jtruth