A Letter of Hope

I struggled to find the words to set up this letter. I hope you read this with an open heart and mind and you share it with someone. As always thank for reading. Comments are welcome.

Dear Sandra Bland,

      I've never done this before. I'm sorry, you didn't deserve this, I shouldn't have to get to know you like this. Just like I shouldn't have gotten to know Trayvon Martin or Mike Brown or Jonathan Ferrell or Tamir Rice or Eric Garner or Oscar Grant or Yvette Smith or Melissa Williams and Timothy Russell or Rekia Boyd and so many others like this, but Pac said smile through the bullshit so I'm going to smile. It's nice to finally meet you, I've heard so much about you, about all of you and so you all know we know what they say is bullshit. They said you didn't signal right, he was a punk and they always get away. He tried to grab the gun, he needed help but was in the wrong neighborhood for that. He was a kid being a kid playing with a BB gun, I did it too. He couldn't breathe or was selling illegal cigarettes. He was fighting on a train. They said she had a gun but she didn't, they led cops on a high speed chase, she was shot in the back of the head while hanging with friends. isn't that how they like to see us though, hanging with friends.

  You all deserved better. You all deserved to see a new day, deserved to know your lives matter. And I'm not saying you're perfect, none of us are but I didn't want to have to meet you this way. I'd rather meet you like you meet a distant relative at a family reunion, you know the one on your mommas, daddy's sister's brother's cousin side. Or that cousin who been gone too long that came back to town with stories that probably aren't true. That crazy uncle who always has money to give and a story to tell. That cousin you haven't seen since y'all were kids but you pick up right where you left off back then. Or That great aunt who always brings the sweet potato pie and you don't know the secret ingredient but she says it's love and you believe her because that's what it tastes like. Yeah that's how we should have met.

We should have met discussing your dreams, your aspirations like yeah, Sandra wants to be a doctor or a civil rights activist or a chef or whatever you wanted to be, you discussed it with such a passion that we could feel it in your soul. I wish I didn't have to know your names or I wish I knew your names because you were a CEO of a fortune 500 company or an architect or an engineer just something, anything where your heart still beats, where your dreams are still yours and not floating in the wind with your spirits.

   But instead, we're here with questions like what happened why is it still happening, when is it enough? Having to defend saying black lives matter because the majority can't see or refuse to see the assault on black lives. All they say is what about black on black crime or what about Chicago and Baltimore. They don't even realize we know those lives matter too, we know all lives matter and we'd rather not have to use the hash tag, but we refuse to let this be swept under the rug or placed in the back of the closet where America likes to keep the mirror it hates to look in.

But I'm getting off topic, it's not about them or me, it's about you and everyone like you who didn't get the chance to shine, to change, to grow, to inspire, to live, to learn from mistakes, to get justice, to see their day in court, to choose who they would become, to be a human being.

 It was nice to have met you though your time was short-lived and I barely know your name.

Sincerely,

Hope for the future

Game Changer

So its been way too long since I've been here and I plan to be here more often but here is a little something I've been working on how you enjoy and let me know what you think

I wanna be next to you like sunsets on Sundays, some days I just like to stare at you, but not in a weird way, in a mind clearing way, I'm admiring one of God's hidden masterpieces

You're the Mona Lisa of my mind, a world wonder no wonder why you move masses when you walk by and rivers still rise to bow in your presence, your imperfections are still perfected

You show me truth when you get naked and I still appreciate it
I still appreciate that life lessons don't lessen the glow of your aura and how your words still flow like water out of my mouth and into existence

And your persistence at being better today than you were yesterday inspire change that can be believed in

All politics aside you're a game changer and I don't need a thousand words to tell you why, they often get in the way,

Like something in the way of things, like similes, like like as, as if it changes everything

You've changed everything from the way I phrase words to the way I say your name. This is what makes you a queen like Sheba, like Cleopatra, like Hatshetsup

When The Limelight Is Not Enough

New blog, old poem. Enjoy!

We all want our moment in the limelight
Our time to shine,
That point we go from ordinary human beings
to extraordinary human beings
But what about the grind
The come up
The blood, sweat and tears
The sacrifices
The disappointments
The point when giving up seems smarter and safer
Yet we still keep going
Because the limelight's just not enough
We tough out criticism
Appreciate applause
Know the road less traveled is our path
Because the main way is the cause
For the fall of men and women alike whose main flaw was
They only wanted the limelight
They didn't dare to think different
Didn't dare to act different
Didn't care that they were clones
Scarecrows with no heart they just knew they had to get on
False hopes of fulfillment from the shine
But the time has come
Because we are here
To help you see clearly now the bling is gone
No more minstrel show niggas
No more just for show bitches
we deal with the real so if its artificial let it be
And maybe, just maybe
If we push past fears and insecurities
Intooo happiness and our dreams
We will see what it means
When the Limelight's Not Enough

The Edge

“If I didn't define myself for myself, I would be crunched into other people's fantasies for me and eaten alive.”


― Audre Lorde

So the other night I was watching "The Best Man" because I don't have cable and I didn't have anything else to watch and near the climax of the movie the character Merch said this quote speaking to Candy. That is neither here nor there just providing some context on why I chose this quote.
 
     Anyway, the past few months have been rather rough for me if I should say so myself. In addition to being laid off again I have been unable to find any employment, I've had to have THE TALK with my son, I've barely made rent each of the last two months and I had to pawn my keyboard. Now I can't say that its been all bad because I was apart of an awesome show Thanks to Michael Clayton you can check the reviews here. I felt like I had a pretty good performance and want to do more. That was a step in the right direction and I will be attending a songwriting workshop next Saturday and I am in a grant writing class with my sister so I am definitely in the ebb and flow of things. However, I am just feeling like I'm on a path that leads nowhere. I feel so on edge lately like I cannot do anything right financially and I keep digging myself deeper into a hole trying to get out of the hole. Its crazy. I've been looking for people to give me their honest assessment of what love is and means to them for my Re:Evolution project which I will be finished with in a matter of weeks. My friends/business partners have started an entertainment website called SoundWavez Studios its your one stop shop for all your production needs. We will soon be opening a full service studio on the beach. In the meantime click on the link and get some free music.
 
       I've always known this road I travel was never meant to be easy or paved with glitter and gold, but I am finding myself losing my faith and determination and motivation. I'm hoping that by writing I will keep the willpower I need to make it to my destination. I'm learning that I can't do it all by myself and that I need people in my corner and I need to take advantage of the connections I've made and just build with those who are on a similar journey as I am. Its difficult because I feel like on  the one hand I should already be there and on the other that I don't belong. Still, everyday I thank God for the breath that I take, apologize for the ones that I waste. Until next time, keep doing what you're doing and keep moving towards your goals and dreams no matter what they may be or how far away they may seem. It's never too late until you stop trying.
 
Peace, J

8 of 30 More Poems for Me

I'm so imprisoned by my feelings I can't escape their hold. They have me under lock and key, unable to express myself truly. So I hold back or better yet censor how I feel in some misguided attempt to protect myself from falling again and possibly looking foolish again. So I maintain that I have no room for love, no time to be loved, No desire to be reacquainted with how it feels to be desired.

I play make believe with other's feelings, believing if I have no feelings, theirs will fade away. I say I'm so faded, jaded by the past, only holding on to it so I won't be forced into an unfamiliar future. Say my issues with love are financial, like I lost a fortunate on a love tip that proved to be nothing more than Cupid's drunken thoughts of how if you tell her, she will notice.

Don't mind me right now, I'm imprisoned by my feelings. Won't allow myself the satisfaction of satisfying needs, addicted to being needed so bad I'm needy. Only to say I don't need you because misery loves company so I take your hand, get you on my level by being everything you say you need only to say I can't be the one to fulfill your desires.

Write my fears in love poems, to hide all I think may make you like my words. My solitude strangles me. I break free of my feelings only to feel the need to go back to them like I'm institutionalized.

I internalize my feelings, express them as passionate poetry, speak plainly so there's no reason to read between the lines. I tell others to believe in the power of love, I'm so hypocritical, put myself in critical condition, like life support will make love easier to bear.

But I'm just a prisoner of my feelings, keep them bottled up like they're in solitary confinement. Trying to expunge myself of them like they are on consignment. Just trying to feel again, knowing that I'm going places but back isn't one of them.

30 Day Poem Challenge... Up Through day 3

Happy new year... Yeah I know its April but its my first post since forever and a day ago. But I'm back because April is National Poetry month. I know I missed Black History month and Women's History month but hey what can I say. My goal is to post 30 poems in 30 days. I will try and post everyday the poem I did so to catch up with the first four days of the month.

Day 1: April 1, 2012            Haiku:

She moves fluidly with the music,

Her steps are as graceful as time

Day 2: April 2, 2012            Haiku

Free speech is a right not to be taken lightly

Think before you speak

Day 3: April 3, 2012          Free Write

Let's Talk, take a minute to focus on words.

Not too careful, not too care free

Say what you mean to me. Don't think

Just say, what feels right pour soul into each word like

It will represent who you'll be remembered as

Don't think, just say what's on your third eye's mind

Just be, like chords that show more theory

Than Big Bang's or conspiracies

Don't think,

Let words flow through, speak to who you dream to be

Even if you aren't sure who that is.

Don't look back on previous lines

They've gone pass like time never goes back

Let the past be the past.

Stop trying to write for audience members

Who will never fully understand what you mean

Just speak, make sure to choose your words wisely,

They shape other's lives.

When you say things, they listen

Listen to your thoughts

But don't think. No censorship because everything has purpose

Ask God, be true to who your core responds to

In moments of anxiety and fear

Do what your gut tells you to do.

Be faithful by taking chances

She's always worth it,

Everytime.

Being random is worth every line.

Don't write because you have to

Write to be free,

Write to be focused

Focus on the things you say.

Say them with dignity and determination

Say them with passion and purpose and prose

Remember being revolutionary has multiple meanings

So don't think, just write.

Choose your words carefully

As if they will be how you're remembered.

Speak with dedication and desire

Empathy and inspiration

Love and understanding

Because we are all just poetry in motion,

A walking mass of words

Energy that's combustible

To set the world a blaze and leave trails

For others to see what all we really gave

To think about the words we say

So don't think, just be

Who ever you are meant to be

                     

Let Me Hold Your Hand

I know what you're thinking, because I'm thinking the same thing... What took you so long? I have been on a hiatus to say the least, and while I haven't stopped writing, I have gotten out of my writing "groove" so to speak. So this is me getting my "groove" back.

This post was inspired by my training class at work, I recently shared some poetry with them and was explaining how I was asked to write a poem for a lady about the love she has for her significant other and how while I was intrigued by the idea, I had no idea on where to begin or how to convey her feelings for a man that I know nothing about. So, naturally I've been giving her the run-around about when the poem is going to be finished because one, I haven't begun and two its hard to write a poem when all I have to go off of is his blue eyes and her undying love. Basically, I'm trying to make sure the poem doesn't suck because I have a reputation to uphold, even if it is a small reputation. Anyway, as I began writing this piece on like Sunday or Monday of this past week, I thought about how a simple act of holding hands could mean so much, which brings me back to my training class. One of the ladies said something to the effect of we do a lot of things with people, but we don't hold hands with everyone. Which I would say is true. I can't begin to think of the last time I held someone's hand that wasn't my son or a family member or someone whom I really meant to hold their hand. In some ways holding hands is even more intimate than having intercourse with someone.
There are so many different emotions that go along with holding hands from being scared and needing to feel safe and secure, to being made to feel wanted by your loved one. Which brings me back to the poem for this lady (I know I'm going the extreme seneic route but its been a while since I've been here) I want the poem to convey all of the feelings she wants me to convey through the act of holding hands. I just feel this would be an awesome love poem so with that said, I began writing this like Sunday or Monday and by no means is it finished and it didn't even come out the way I wanted it to. I can't decide if this is a poem or lyrics to a song (Re:Evolution anyone?)

So I will share what I have because I have been meaning to blog for the longest time, hope you all enjoy and leave some feedback and/or comment and thanks for reading, I really appreciate you.

It's been a while,

since we had this time to talk,

to think, to say,

the things we really mean to say

It's been a while,

I remember the day infatuation

faded away

And we were left staring

At the truth of one another,

and there was nothing left to say,

but baby let me hold your hand

Stand the test of time with you,

together we can shine if you,

just let me hold your hand

These questions that I ask of you,

are merely a reflection of who you push me to be,

hopefully I push you too,

out of this plane,

so that we finally learn

we can fly,

But if we should fall

I promise,

I'll be there to hold your hand,

the entire way to the ground,

I'll be grounded when you need me to be,

a silly dreamer if you want that of me,

I'm not asking that you fall for me

I'm simply asking that you

let me hold your hand,

When life's disappointments are too much for me

or nothing goes how it's supposed to be

and when I'm not strong enough

to stand

Baby won't you let me hold your hand

I like how you're not impressed so easily

and the fresh perspective of life you see

But one thing I want you to understand,

we weren't meant to be alone

so let me hold your hand.

Love in the 4th Person

This post came to me after looking at some old poems and some friends Facebook pages. (No I wasn't cyber stalking, this time lol) but it reminded me that when we love for selfish reasons, we can not accept selfless love. The poem that I'm going to post was written probably six years ago. Earlier today I wrote an apology on my FB page that said "I apologize for loving you selfishly, I thought it was selflessly, its funny how similar the two are." That was intended for a certain person but she doesn't believe it and I can't make her. Maybe I should have said it to her directly but I thought its better served for everyone to see because I can think of multiple times where I have loved selfishly under the guise of unconditional love. Hope you guys enjoy this piece as I've never read it for anyone or shared it with anyone. Oh and I also got some help from some co-workers of mine from my Hartford days. Anyway here goes;

She kissed me with the same betrayal as Judas did Christ
Lacking serendipity to escape being deceived twice
She penetrated my mind like the crown of thorns penetrated His head
She pierced my side, feet and hands like the nails they used to
Hold Him to the cross

She crucified me
Said her heart was broken
and living wasn't an option

I opted to stay up, not able to sleep
Something she said plays on my mind
Like a song on repeat

I didn't see the signs
I knew she was heartbroken
Still in love with the one she said kept her breathless
He said she kept him breathless
Touched his mind, body, spirit

They connected from the mind,
To the body, and
Soul mates they were

And here I was in the middle
Three's a crowd, not company
What's comforting is
I want her to be happy

But not with him

She said she loved me unconditionally
Except for the fact that we were raised differently
I told her I was raised to see sunrises and sunshine
But to know the rain was never too far behind

So I had a melancholy outlook on love
She said she had the same outlook on life
But we gelled together like a Thelonious Monk song
Round Bout Midnight

So far off time
But perfectly in time
We were perfectly in line
For the next note
The next moment in time that's imperfect

Re: Evolution of Love

I'm back and even though I haven't posted in weeks it feels good to be back. I'm working on a new poetry project entitled The Re:Evolution of Love. Ever since I completed my first project Morning Service I wanted to do an album of love poems and songs. This is what the new project is going to be. But putting it together has been more eye opening than I thought. First I was just going to take some of the poems about love that I already had and make backing music to them but then I got the idea to make sections, three in total Eros, Philia, and Agape. Each set of poems within the section will describe the feeling of the particular type of love. As I was/am going through my archives I am finding things out about each type of love that I had not known. I'm also finding out things about me that I didn't know. To say the least this project is a struggle, from finding music that is moving to writing new material I'm finding it difficult to get it out, but I know its in there. So I began to look inside myself and my surroundings to see what the problem is.
 This journey where ever it leads me, I feel like on the other side I'm going to be a changed poet, a changed person and have a renewed spirit.

I'm beginning to no longer believe in the notion of love as it pertains to romantic relationships. I have no one to blame but myself for letting it get to this point. Its easy to fall into infatuation with some one, its hard to love them and almost impossible to have that unconditional type of love for a person. I fooled myself into thinking I had achieved this for a person but that was before the "end" of our time together. I thought not caring was the same as loving unconditionally but I was wrong. Not caring in itself is self-sabotage to truly loving when you break down the reasons for not caring.

For me it was "well if it doesn't bother her to treat me this way, it doesn't bother me to act apathetic towards her" but what I really was saying was "I'm upset that you aren't loving me the way I want to be or deserve to be loved." I know a lot of times when people think of Eros they immediately think of physical, sensual, erotic, sexual love. In my opinion it also is selfish love meaning we give our love selfishly. For instance, "I love you because you do this or that for me, and if you stop doing those things I won't love you anymore." Its like we have to have a reason to give love, make it beneficial for us.

Now don't get me wrong I'm not saying this is a good or bad ideal, I'm just saying that it is. So, how do we transcend to loving more selflessly? This to me is partially what the Re:Evolution of love is about. Showing the different types of love, the different phases of love and the transcendence we all have inside of us to love differently. For me, I want the listeners of this project to feel like," yeah I've been there," but to also feel that after listening they have the power inside them to love differently, more effectively and most of all more fully.

Hopefully it won't take me too long to complete this project but I will make sure that you get your monies worth and hopefully it will be something to talk about that changes the way we think about love, loving and being loved.

Peace, J

  Love Poem #9 by jtruth

The Finishing Touch

As I try to get outside my thoughts and into an "artistic" state of mind, I began to think on the things I've started and haven't finished. The list is quite astonishing once I put it down on paper and it was in my face and no longer a figment of my imagination, so to speak. Its everything from unfinished poems to unfinished music, to unfinished job searches. Its pitiful as I look at this list. I never would consider myself a quitter, a procrastinator sure but never a quitter. Now I'm beginning to re-evaluate that thought. I know its never too late to finish the things that I have left undone and I'm going to do it. I thought I had more to write but I guess not so here's some music....



  Motivate by jtruth

Highlight or Theory, That is the question

So I already wrote this once and because my computer sucks I lost everything I had. With that said, I'm going to keep this part short. Be on the lookout for my artist spotlight with Ms. Dani Cook poet, author, all-around awesome human being and also check out her album Dysfunctional Dysmemberment on either I-Tunes or Amazon (here). This poem was just finished last night thanks to a beautfiul spirit that inspired me. I'm not sure what I want to name this poem but I've narrowed it to either "Highlight" or "Theory" you all can let me know what you think and offer other suggestions. Here goes nothing.

There's something in your eyes

That makes me wanna know your mind

There's something in your mind

That makes me wanna know the time

And place best suited for this race to your heart

You know the one where

I'm wanting to win it over

You want to keep it from being broken

I know at times love gets lost in translation

Though I'm not saying I'm in love with you

But your words flow like water

Out of my mouth

And into existence

See I believe in you faithfully

While technically we haven't met

You've indoctrinated me

So I'll attest to your teachings

Just lie to me like you mean it

Tell me the truth like it will set me free

Let me belive, what I want to believe

Like I believe in your beautiful spirit

Your kind soul

That, smile that puts my whole world on hold

And even though we've never met

Our energies have crossed paths

And I'm a new being

But don't you dare ask me if I'm heaven-sent

And I won't ask if you're from there

You're too truthful to be human

Too humanly beautiful to be angelic

It must be the God in you

Because you know my heart so well

And although I've never physically been in your presence

Whenever I'm mentally in your presence

I feel connected

And the highlight of my day is when I

Step into my train of thought

And you just so happen to be there

One day I'll gather the courage to ask your name

And we can have this conversation in person

That sounds so good,

In theory



Hope you guys enjoy this. Thanks for viewing.

Peace

From Trash to Treasure

What's up good people,
                As I was going through some papers that I had "filed away", by that I mean were stacked together in a plastic bag in my room, I found a poem that I wrote on 12-19-2005. I know that seems to be such a long time ago, I had just recently graduated college in May of 2005 I had gotten my first "real" job in November of this same year and I was living in my first apartment. I don't really remember if I wrote this for anyone in particular but I read it and I like it, it may even make my next spoken word project. (I know what you're saying, do you have a first project, and surprisingly the answer is yes). In any event at this time in my artistic development I didn't title a lot of my poems and my reasoning at the time was something to the effect of, "I don't want my words to be confined in a box by a title" how lame was that? Most of my work didn't have titles because I could never think of anything creative enough and didn't like simply naming it using a line from out the poem, I wanted something deep, meaningful. In any event I will allow you guys to decide what this poem should be called you can leave comments on my Facebook wall or my email or here or my twitter (imallyg) if you want.

Mesmerized by an unidentified beauty

Highly identified as the one to seek

I seek thee first before the Kingdom of heaven

And that's blasphemous

So hallelujah to your amen and I'm not religious

I'm just a man mesmerized by a beauty

The Mother Mary must have seen with her eyes

Hypnotized by hypnotic eyes that keep me at bay

With their seductive stances

Glances that say more than words can manage

And maybe I'm day dreaming

Maybe I'm not

But I cannot get this woman out of my head

And into my car, plus

She's far too advanced for the far too

Simplistic advances of a man who

Puts too much Em-phasis on his

money or his car, she got both

Most don't know how to deal with a woman

who handles her own work because

They can't feed their own ego's

With the need of an insecure woman

Her insecurities came from the infidelity of her father

And that pushed her farther away from men

To the point she tried women for a change

But found when it comes to love

Men and women are much the same

So the games she play

Arose from the pain she saw

In her mother's crying eyes

So she sacrifices her body

To protect her heart

Rejected attempts to slip her

Defense Systems and touch her soul

Leaves Beauty with a

Cold, empty feeling

Despair displays daily

From her soul's windows

To the projection screens

Of anonymous individuals

That will never know her name

Beauty's brain games brought the beast soaring out her pores

Scarring scores of men with a mark that's

Undeniable and unforgettable

But Beauty's a survivor right,

Right?



A Poem for the Lost Ones

I never wanted to be the reason he beat her
But every time they got into it I seemed to be the center of attention
I don't remember when it started
But I do remember the crying, the screaming, the begging, the pleading
He always claimed he was no demon
Saying she always provoked it like her breathing was reason enough to
Make the flesh run fresh from her brow
And I sat there speechless, feeling helpless hoping I was dreaming
But his "teachings" as he often referred to them,
Were engraved into her soul like she was touched by the spirit
And he touched her when it was convenient
Like after work, before church, after sessions with his mistress
As if calling her out her name wasn't enough
He wanted her to know how tough he was
And I was the one who suffered through the love taps,
The belt straps and he claimed he was no demon
Saying it was the temptation like 40 days in the wilderness could tame his appetite
For destruction of this woman
And he destroyed her mostly by force and fear
And he claimed he was no demon
But I could see it in his eyes
How they would fill with passion and pleasure as he inflicted pain
Again and again as if her screams were his favorite song on repeat
He hit her repeatedly until it hurt me
Made me bleed internally now I rest eternally
And these words will never be heard
Like I will never be seen or know how it feels to really breathe
And she will never be the same
He claimed he was no demon, my only question is,
Why did she believe him?

Fear Unknown

So last night I had a dream about a friend that I haven't spoken to in a while, too long in fact. The dream woke me out of my sleep at 2:30 in the morning. It was one of those disturbing dreams that feel so real, you can smell and see everything around with vivid clarity. In my dream, my friend and I had fallen out of contact much like in real life, but that happens sometimes life takes us all in different directions. In my dream, my friend was in an abusive relationship, in real life I suspected the same thing as a matter of fact I seen how they interacted during the time my friend and I were "real" friends. Now, I can't say how their relationship has grown but in my dream it hadn't grown much. My friend was someone who was and is very dear to me, I care about her a lot but we weren't able to be friends. I couldn't call to see how she was doing, you know just regular friend stuff. In my dream, things weren't as bad, they still argued and things but there was no physical violence. People began noticing the change in her demeanor and the bruises and how she always had some excuse for them. Somehow these people came to me for help. I didn't really want to get involved because I didn't want to be wrong or I didn't know what I could do, but I did anyway because domestic abuse is something that I don't tolerate. By the time I got involved their "small" arguments turned into pushing and shoving and punching and hitting. My friend had decided she had enough and was pursuing another man, I don't know who new guy was, but her old boyfriend caught wind of her "transgressions" and of course he was enraged. This is where my dream became frightening. The setting was a banquet or a cookout or some social gathering that we all happened to be at the same time. In real life, this would never happen, but in my dream this was the case. Anyway, at some point they began arguing and my friend's boyfriend slapped her in front of everyone. And he just kept slapping her and punching her in the face, in the chest, in the stomach. He literally beat her to within an inch of her life. It was like everybody there was so shocked to see it happening that no one did anything. So the ambulance, came she got better and it was like everyone knew what was going on but nobody would do anything. So I couldn't stand that nothing was being done about this guy, no arrest, no slap on the wrist absolutely nothing. I decided that I was going to do something about this, so me along with my cousin went and basically gave this guy a dose of his own medicine. That's when I woke up. If you know her, tell her that I asked about her.

Domestic violence is not something that is an easy conversation to have but if you or you know someone who is being abused, I would urge you to get assistance because nothing is as bad as losing your life. If you don't know what to look for here are a few signs that could be warning signs of domestic violence;


* Isolation
* Controlling finances and withholding money
* Preventing employment
* Hitting, pushing, choking
* Forced sexual contact
* Threatening
* Use of a weapon

We all have the power to help someone by just letting them know we care about them and letting them know that we are thinking about them and they matter to us. Domestic violence comes in multiple forms it is not always physical, sometimes its mental and emotional as well. We also have a new epidemic I feel in the realm of domestic violence, which is bullying in middle and high school as well as college kids. Cyber bullying whatever you want to call it is a form of domestic violence. Please let's educate ourselves and save some lives in the process. Here are some links that can assist in education and participation with this matter.

http://dvam.vawnet.org/

www.ncadv.org/

 

You Better Lose Yourself

     

  
     So I'm at the house just recorded some new tracks and re-recorded some vocals that needed to be redone. That's the beauty of having your own stuff, as my man Twint4K would say all my recordings are "sponsored by free studio time." Now I'm not saying I have the best equipment or the most expensive equipment but it certainly gets the job done, though I do need a new computer. Anyway as I was recording and subsequently listening and pseudo-mixing the vocals and the tracks I began to think about some things. One I love to just sit and make music and try to make it sound as good as it possibly can sonically and two sometimes in the midst of things I feel lost.

     Now I'm sure we've all had a feeling at one time or another where no matter what we do, it seems like we are just lost with no chance of finding our way. It also seems that when we lose our way its not just a small thing or just one thing, its a myriad of happenings. Its like the old saying, "when it rains, it pours." Sometimes we lose ourselves in our jobs or family or life happenings or whatever the situation may be, sometimes we get lost in the aspect of a situation and tend to over dramatize the actual situation. The worse thing about feeling/being lost is not knowing how to find your way again. The trek from being lost to finding yourself and your way again is a tricky journey because you have to do things that are out of your ordinary. Sometimes we get lost in the monotony of our everyday life doing the same routine for so long that you are not completely sure who you are and how you got here.

    The good thing about being lost is that in the process we often times discover something new about ourselves or the world around us that we normally would not have noticed. You may not know the strength that you hold until you find yourself in a situation that requires you to fight of fly. I'm an optimist and I tend to think that we will fight more than we will fly. Just think back on when times were rough and after the rough patch subsided, think about how much stronger you were, how many changes were made, how new things looked.

    When we find ourselves losing ourselves in whatever is going on around us, we must learn to step outside of the norm. Don't get discouraged if currently you feel like you are not where you want to be or you feel like you are losing your way. Just keep pushing and digging deep down because eventually we all find out who we really are and that is one of the greatest accomplishments we can make on this journey called life.

Peace,
          J

These Three Words

"When was the last time that they heard you say, Mother or Father I love you and when was the last time that they heard you say, daughter or son I love you."

That was a line from the incomparable Stevie Wonder, a song called These Three Words. These words are so precious but so often misused. Too often we use the phrase "I love you" as a means to an end, a selfish end at that. Too often we use this phrase to manipulate or to get what we want, I once wrote "saying I love you means nothing nowadays, niggas just say it so they can go and get laid, ladies believing it knowing they heart is getting played, acting so gullible, its a damn shame." This came from a conversation I had with a girl in college who couldn't understand why none of her relationships worked out, it always ended the same, guy gets what he wants and then she gets heartbroken. It seems she equated love with sex and as soon as a guy even showed the remote possiblity that he was interested she was ready, willing and able to put it mildly. My point is our view of love varies depending on the situation.

We often use love as a situational emotion, meaning depending on how we think we feel in a particular moment we may choose to use love. For instance, we often say I love you in times of despair such as a loved one passing or having a serious accident, we use I love you as a comforting phrase because we often feel guilty of not saying it enough or showing it enough. Or if we receive a gift from a loved one especially an expensive gift. Its as if the bigger the gift the more I love you. Now I'm not saying that every situation we say I love you in is disingenuous I'm just saying we don't use the act of loving enough.

Most people relate and recognize love in the realms of a romantic relationship. We've been programmed to view love as a romantic, sexual feeling. Just look in the world around us. From love songs to romantic comedies to romance novels, to these "reality" shows that sell sex, the idea that beauty is superficial, and that love means getting something in return and its easy to see that we've lost the identity of love. In my opinion we get too caught up that love is something aesthetic when love is all around us. In order to change our perception of love we've got to change our definition of love. If we perceive love as only something we can touch then we treat it as such. We've got to come to a higher understanding of what love is and what it isn't. To me love is everything, its the energy around us, its the man on the street, its the kids playing, its the birds in the sky. We have to expand our horizon on love and the effect it has on everything around us. If we can change how we define love then it can begin to work more authentically in our lives. Things would be less stressful and we would be more in tune with life, which would help us lead a more fulfilling life.

Don't take for granted that love is all around us and don't take loved ones for granted either. Let's gain a higher understanding of what love is and what it isn't. Agape.

The Magnificient

Its been a minute since my last post, but today I'm feeling some type of way. Today, God presented him/herself in one of the most awesome ways I have seen/felt in a while. I've always felt the presence of God in everyday life situations and I think I've always known how mighty God is but I've never really shared or talked about it. Maybe its because I didn't know how to express myself or maybe its because I felt like I didn't have to express myself, either way my point is I see it and feel it whether you know it or not.

In my opinion God is awesome because God doesn't care what your religion is, God doesn't care if you go to church every Sunday, God doesn't even care if you are not perfect. God is awesome because despite all of your short comings God is God, whether you believe it or not. Today I learned (again) that you speak into existence what you want and that God hears it exactly as you speak it. For instance I was talking to a gentleman today and I said that I play the piano and that I'm not the best or the worst and he stopped me and said that even the little statement of me saying I'm not the best or the worst was negative which made me think, how much time do we spend actually speaking negativity into existence without even realizing it?

To me, God is awesome because God shows him/herself in an array of ways and they are always palatable if you know what God sounds/looks/acts like. For me God sounds like the people in my life that I love and trust the most. Sometimes its one of my grandmothers, sometimes its an aunt sometimes a close friend and even sometimes in my favorite songs, but I always know. God to me looks like women for the most part but always a shining light. I can't quite describe the light but I always know within minutes of our conversation that I'm speaking with God. In women God is loving, beauty, nurturing, absolute. In men God is authoritative, exact, caring, comforting. In both when I see God I feel comforted, I feel true, I feel worthy.
I was reminded today that I am still with God and even though my current road is rough, I'm not forgotten and God always has people watching me around me, encouraging me keeping me close and reminding me of who I am and that I am worthy.

"If this was the last verse I ever wrote/what would I leave behind for everyone to know/know that I tried/and always did the best that I can/I'm not perfect/I barely was an average man/but I, stand for fam/and I write for freedom/tried to stay positive/tried to keep on believing/so peace to the dead/and the ones that's still breathing/you gotta keep up your head/and you gotta keep reaching/from the bottom of my heart/to the depths of my soul/these are the things that I think you should know/always keep your peace/and never forget/that throughout this life/you might lose your step/always keep your cool/and never lose your head/keep your family first/these are the rules to live/pop I made it/look at ya kid/the whole world is listening to the words I said/who would'a knew"

The Act of Love

Strange secrets, dark rooms
Light doesn't bode well in dark places
Spaces become vacant in moments of clarity
But clearly I don't SEE you and you don't SEE me
So let's stop pretending

Make-shift card houses fall freely from gale force whirl winds of emotion
emoting what seems to be an ocean of understanding and forgiveness
Forgive us for our trespasses, we know not how to love
Though we claim we do

We love so selfishly that its more like fear
It tastes like fear just think,
How many things do YOU do because YOU don't love me like YOU should
Should I count the ways?

I count the days past when days passed like light years
I have slight fears that arise when confronted, with questions like
"where have you been," "who were you with," "where are you going?"

I'm going crazy in two different shades of grey
who knows fury like a woman scorned?
I adorned you with roses while you left me the thorns

And its ok, I'm still Cyrano, you're my Lady Day
Lady come save my day, like they do in the movies
And we can act on our passions,
Dance into the night to our soul's progression



- in order to get something you've never had, you must do something you've never done. -