A Letter of Hope

I struggled to find the words to set up this letter. I hope you read this with an open heart and mind and you share it with someone. As always thank for reading. Comments are welcome.

Dear Sandra Bland,

      I've never done this before. I'm sorry, you didn't deserve this, I shouldn't have to get to know you like this. Just like I shouldn't have gotten to know Trayvon Martin or Mike Brown or Jonathan Ferrell or Tamir Rice or Eric Garner or Oscar Grant or Yvette Smith or Melissa Williams and Timothy Russell or Rekia Boyd and so many others like this, but Pac said smile through the bullshit so I'm going to smile. It's nice to finally meet you, I've heard so much about you, about all of you and so you all know we know what they say is bullshit. They said you didn't signal right, he was a punk and they always get away. He tried to grab the gun, he needed help but was in the wrong neighborhood for that. He was a kid being a kid playing with a BB gun, I did it too. He couldn't breathe or was selling illegal cigarettes. He was fighting on a train. They said she had a gun but she didn't, they led cops on a high speed chase, she was shot in the back of the head while hanging with friends. isn't that how they like to see us though, hanging with friends.

  You all deserved better. You all deserved to see a new day, deserved to know your lives matter. And I'm not saying you're perfect, none of us are but I didn't want to have to meet you this way. I'd rather meet you like you meet a distant relative at a family reunion, you know the one on your mommas, daddy's sister's brother's cousin side. Or that cousin who been gone too long that came back to town with stories that probably aren't true. That crazy uncle who always has money to give and a story to tell. That cousin you haven't seen since y'all were kids but you pick up right where you left off back then. Or That great aunt who always brings the sweet potato pie and you don't know the secret ingredient but she says it's love and you believe her because that's what it tastes like. Yeah that's how we should have met.

We should have met discussing your dreams, your aspirations like yeah, Sandra wants to be a doctor or a civil rights activist or a chef or whatever you wanted to be, you discussed it with such a passion that we could feel it in your soul. I wish I didn't have to know your names or I wish I knew your names because you were a CEO of a fortune 500 company or an architect or an engineer just something, anything where your heart still beats, where your dreams are still yours and not floating in the wind with your spirits.

   But instead, we're here with questions like what happened why is it still happening, when is it enough? Having to defend saying black lives matter because the majority can't see or refuse to see the assault on black lives. All they say is what about black on black crime or what about Chicago and Baltimore. They don't even realize we know those lives matter too, we know all lives matter and we'd rather not have to use the hash tag, but we refuse to let this be swept under the rug or placed in the back of the closet where America likes to keep the mirror it hates to look in.

But I'm getting off topic, it's not about them or me, it's about you and everyone like you who didn't get the chance to shine, to change, to grow, to inspire, to live, to learn from mistakes, to get justice, to see their day in court, to choose who they would become, to be a human being.

 It was nice to have met you though your time was short-lived and I barely know your name.

Sincerely,

Hope for the future

When The Limelight Is Not Enough

New blog, old poem. Enjoy!

We all want our moment in the limelight
Our time to shine,
That point we go from ordinary human beings
to extraordinary human beings
But what about the grind
The come up
The blood, sweat and tears
The sacrifices
The disappointments
The point when giving up seems smarter and safer
Yet we still keep going
Because the limelight's just not enough
We tough out criticism
Appreciate applause
Know the road less traveled is our path
Because the main way is the cause
For the fall of men and women alike whose main flaw was
They only wanted the limelight
They didn't dare to think different
Didn't dare to act different
Didn't care that they were clones
Scarecrows with no heart they just knew they had to get on
False hopes of fulfillment from the shine
But the time has come
Because we are here
To help you see clearly now the bling is gone
No more minstrel show niggas
No more just for show bitches
we deal with the real so if its artificial let it be
And maybe, just maybe
If we push past fears and insecurities
Intooo happiness and our dreams
We will see what it means
When the Limelight's Not Enough

The Edge

“If I didn't define myself for myself, I would be crunched into other people's fantasies for me and eaten alive.”


― Audre Lorde

So the other night I was watching "The Best Man" because I don't have cable and I didn't have anything else to watch and near the climax of the movie the character Merch said this quote speaking to Candy. That is neither here nor there just providing some context on why I chose this quote.
 
     Anyway, the past few months have been rather rough for me if I should say so myself. In addition to being laid off again I have been unable to find any employment, I've had to have THE TALK with my son, I've barely made rent each of the last two months and I had to pawn my keyboard. Now I can't say that its been all bad because I was apart of an awesome show Thanks to Michael Clayton you can check the reviews here. I felt like I had a pretty good performance and want to do more. That was a step in the right direction and I will be attending a songwriting workshop next Saturday and I am in a grant writing class with my sister so I am definitely in the ebb and flow of things. However, I am just feeling like I'm on a path that leads nowhere. I feel so on edge lately like I cannot do anything right financially and I keep digging myself deeper into a hole trying to get out of the hole. Its crazy. I've been looking for people to give me their honest assessment of what love is and means to them for my Re:Evolution project which I will be finished with in a matter of weeks. My friends/business partners have started an entertainment website called SoundWavez Studios its your one stop shop for all your production needs. We will soon be opening a full service studio on the beach. In the meantime click on the link and get some free music.
 
       I've always known this road I travel was never meant to be easy or paved with glitter and gold, but I am finding myself losing my faith and determination and motivation. I'm hoping that by writing I will keep the willpower I need to make it to my destination. I'm learning that I can't do it all by myself and that I need people in my corner and I need to take advantage of the connections I've made and just build with those who are on a similar journey as I am. Its difficult because I feel like on  the one hand I should already be there and on the other that I don't belong. Still, everyday I thank God for the breath that I take, apologize for the ones that I waste. Until next time, keep doing what you're doing and keep moving towards your goals and dreams no matter what they may be or how far away they may seem. It's never too late until you stop trying.
 
Peace, J

8 of 30 More Poems for Me

I'm so imprisoned by my feelings I can't escape their hold. They have me under lock and key, unable to express myself truly. So I hold back or better yet censor how I feel in some misguided attempt to protect myself from falling again and possibly looking foolish again. So I maintain that I have no room for love, no time to be loved, No desire to be reacquainted with how it feels to be desired.

I play make believe with other's feelings, believing if I have no feelings, theirs will fade away. I say I'm so faded, jaded by the past, only holding on to it so I won't be forced into an unfamiliar future. Say my issues with love are financial, like I lost a fortunate on a love tip that proved to be nothing more than Cupid's drunken thoughts of how if you tell her, she will notice.

Don't mind me right now, I'm imprisoned by my feelings. Won't allow myself the satisfaction of satisfying needs, addicted to being needed so bad I'm needy. Only to say I don't need you because misery loves company so I take your hand, get you on my level by being everything you say you need only to say I can't be the one to fulfill your desires.

Write my fears in love poems, to hide all I think may make you like my words. My solitude strangles me. I break free of my feelings only to feel the need to go back to them like I'm institutionalized.

I internalize my feelings, express them as passionate poetry, speak plainly so there's no reason to read between the lines. I tell others to believe in the power of love, I'm so hypocritical, put myself in critical condition, like life support will make love easier to bear.

But I'm just a prisoner of my feelings, keep them bottled up like they're in solitary confinement. Trying to expunge myself of them like they are on consignment. Just trying to feel again, knowing that I'm going places but back isn't one of them.

30 Day Poem Challenge... Up Through day 3

Happy new year... Yeah I know its April but its my first post since forever and a day ago. But I'm back because April is National Poetry month. I know I missed Black History month and Women's History month but hey what can I say. My goal is to post 30 poems in 30 days. I will try and post everyday the poem I did so to catch up with the first four days of the month.

Day 1: April 1, 2012            Haiku:

She moves fluidly with the music,

Her steps are as graceful as time

Day 2: April 2, 2012            Haiku

Free speech is a right not to be taken lightly

Think before you speak

Day 3: April 3, 2012          Free Write

Let's Talk, take a minute to focus on words.

Not too careful, not too care free

Say what you mean to me. Don't think

Just say, what feels right pour soul into each word like

It will represent who you'll be remembered as

Don't think, just say what's on your third eye's mind

Just be, like chords that show more theory

Than Big Bang's or conspiracies

Don't think,

Let words flow through, speak to who you dream to be

Even if you aren't sure who that is.

Don't look back on previous lines

They've gone pass like time never goes back

Let the past be the past.

Stop trying to write for audience members

Who will never fully understand what you mean

Just speak, make sure to choose your words wisely,

They shape other's lives.

When you say things, they listen

Listen to your thoughts

But don't think. No censorship because everything has purpose

Ask God, be true to who your core responds to

In moments of anxiety and fear

Do what your gut tells you to do.

Be faithful by taking chances

She's always worth it,

Everytime.

Being random is worth every line.

Don't write because you have to

Write to be free,

Write to be focused

Focus on the things you say.

Say them with dignity and determination

Say them with passion and purpose and prose

Remember being revolutionary has multiple meanings

So don't think, just write.

Choose your words carefully

As if they will be how you're remembered.

Speak with dedication and desire

Empathy and inspiration

Love and understanding

Because we are all just poetry in motion,

A walking mass of words

Energy that's combustible

To set the world a blaze and leave trails

For others to see what all we really gave

To think about the words we say

So don't think, just be

Who ever you are meant to be

                     

Let Me Hold Your Hand

I know what you're thinking, because I'm thinking the same thing... What took you so long? I have been on a hiatus to say the least, and while I haven't stopped writing, I have gotten out of my writing "groove" so to speak. So this is me getting my "groove" back.

This post was inspired by my training class at work, I recently shared some poetry with them and was explaining how I was asked to write a poem for a lady about the love she has for her significant other and how while I was intrigued by the idea, I had no idea on where to begin or how to convey her feelings for a man that I know nothing about. So, naturally I've been giving her the run-around about when the poem is going to be finished because one, I haven't begun and two its hard to write a poem when all I have to go off of is his blue eyes and her undying love. Basically, I'm trying to make sure the poem doesn't suck because I have a reputation to uphold, even if it is a small reputation. Anyway, as I began writing this piece on like Sunday or Monday of this past week, I thought about how a simple act of holding hands could mean so much, which brings me back to my training class. One of the ladies said something to the effect of we do a lot of things with people, but we don't hold hands with everyone. Which I would say is true. I can't begin to think of the last time I held someone's hand that wasn't my son or a family member or someone whom I really meant to hold their hand. In some ways holding hands is even more intimate than having intercourse with someone.
There are so many different emotions that go along with holding hands from being scared and needing to feel safe and secure, to being made to feel wanted by your loved one. Which brings me back to the poem for this lady (I know I'm going the extreme seneic route but its been a while since I've been here) I want the poem to convey all of the feelings she wants me to convey through the act of holding hands. I just feel this would be an awesome love poem so with that said, I began writing this like Sunday or Monday and by no means is it finished and it didn't even come out the way I wanted it to. I can't decide if this is a poem or lyrics to a song (Re:Evolution anyone?)

So I will share what I have because I have been meaning to blog for the longest time, hope you all enjoy and leave some feedback and/or comment and thanks for reading, I really appreciate you.

It's been a while,

since we had this time to talk,

to think, to say,

the things we really mean to say

It's been a while,

I remember the day infatuation

faded away

And we were left staring

At the truth of one another,

and there was nothing left to say,

but baby let me hold your hand

Stand the test of time with you,

together we can shine if you,

just let me hold your hand

These questions that I ask of you,

are merely a reflection of who you push me to be,

hopefully I push you too,

out of this plane,

so that we finally learn

we can fly,

But if we should fall

I promise,

I'll be there to hold your hand,

the entire way to the ground,

I'll be grounded when you need me to be,

a silly dreamer if you want that of me,

I'm not asking that you fall for me

I'm simply asking that you

let me hold your hand,

When life's disappointments are too much for me

or nothing goes how it's supposed to be

and when I'm not strong enough

to stand

Baby won't you let me hold your hand

I like how you're not impressed so easily

and the fresh perspective of life you see

But one thing I want you to understand,

we weren't meant to be alone

so let me hold your hand.

The Manifesto of Love

https://www.artsy.net/artist/vincent-van-gogh

I declare that this manifesto is my profession of the act of love and how it influences my everyday life so those I interact with will have some idea of where my communication efforts come from and how it impacts my train of thought

1) God is Love:

  

2) Love has no timetable nor time limit:

    There is not a set time love happens and/or ends. Love just is. Love is the moment when you care about another person's well being not just because  of how it affects you but more importantly how you can help this person(s) to get better, to be better. Love does not care if you've known this person(s) since you were children or just met them yesterday or an hour ago. When love hits you, it is undeniable and inescapable.

3) Love is not (just) a feeling:

    The love I'm speaking of here is not the physical "I love him or her because they do things for me or get things for me or give me things." This love is more than just a feeling. Its the sun rises and sunsets, summer thunderstorms. This love is a living metaphor. Loving like this makes you better, makes those around you better, makes life more peaceful and fulfilling.

4) Love is a language, a way of life:

    We can choose to live a life of love. To begin, all we have to do is simply desire to live more lovingly. Once the desire is burning inside of us we must take action to begin the journey. The first step of this journey is to learn the love language. By this I mean learn to speak to everything in creation with love. When we do this what we will find is that we are doing more listening and less talking, more thinking and less impulsive acting. We will be more conscious of our word choices, which will make the things we say more meaningful. This does not mean that we only say things people want to hear. When we are living a life of love and speaking a love language, love is felt even when we're having differences with our loved ones and our enemies.

5) Love is the truth:

    Pure and unadulterated, love is the truth. The truth is never easy to find and never finite, as is the same with love, the commonality between the two is that when they are pure, we never question their absolute existence.

6) Love is never easy:

    Love is work. Love doesn't just happen, love is the culmination of efforts to gain an understanding and appreciation for someone. We work openly and wholeheartedly to learn those we are intrigued by and infatuated with, therefore, we are working towards loving that person.

7) Saying "I Love You" means something:

    With that said, we must learn the meaning of the phrase and how to accept the phrase. "I Love You" means more and less than we want it to mean. In a romantic scenario it means "I'm committed to maintaining and building this foundation we've started called a relationship." It does not mean "I will always agree with you or your thoughts, but I will respect them and honor their validity." It does not mean that we will be together forever but we will be better for knowing one another. In life it means "I care for your well being and I will do my best to be my best so that you can be your best and we can have a positive impact on our environment." It does not mean that we won't ever argue or disagree but when we do I won't berate or degrade you emotionally, physically or mentally.

8) There's no wrong way to love, except selfishly:

    We should strive to never love selfishly or for our own personal gains. Love should be our gift to the Universe for allowing us to be. Love should not be used to torment or degrade others. We never use love as a means to control another person, love should flow as freely through us as the air we breathe.

9) Love is (in) all things:

    If we look deep enough, we will find love. It is all around us in everything from (most of) the food we eat to (most of) the music we listen to. So take some time each day and feel the love.

10) Love is faith:

      Love never questions its authenticity, not saying that everyone loves us perfectly but we must know when a person is loving us to the best of their ability and when we're loving to the best of ours. If it doesn't feel like love it most likely isn't.

11) Love is (not) blind:

      Love isn't blind it just doesn't perceive things the same way we perceive them. So just because you can't see how love is working doesn't mean it isn't working.

12) Love yourself:

      Love feeds off of itself so in order for us to love more fully and more effectively we must learn to love ourselves. This is no easy task with all of the negativity that surrounds us, but with work it can be accomplished.

These are just some of the things that I try to remember in my daily life and I'm not saying they are set in stone or that I do each one perfectly, I just strive to do this everyday and I have days when I get there and days when I don't. The main thing though is that I attempt to be a better person each and every day and that to me is what makes the difference. Enjoy.

Peace J

The Finishing Touch

As I try to get outside my thoughts and into an "artistic" state of mind, I began to think on the things I've started and haven't finished. The list is quite astonishing once I put it down on paper and it was in my face and no longer a figment of my imagination, so to speak. Its everything from unfinished poems to unfinished music, to unfinished job searches. Its pitiful as I look at this list. I never would consider myself a quitter, a procrastinator sure but never a quitter. Now I'm beginning to re-evaluate that thought. I know its never too late to finish the things that I have left undone and I'm going to do it. I thought I had more to write but I guess not so here's some music....



  Motivate by jtruth

The Act of Love

Strange secrets, dark rooms
Light doesn't bode well in dark places
Spaces become vacant in moments of clarity
But clearly I don't SEE you and you don't SEE me
So let's stop pretending

Make-shift card houses fall freely from gale force whirl winds of emotion
emoting what seems to be an ocean of understanding and forgiveness
Forgive us for our trespasses, we know not how to love
Though we claim we do

We love so selfishly that its more like fear
It tastes like fear just think,
How many things do YOU do because YOU don't love me like YOU should
Should I count the ways?

I count the days past when days passed like light years
I have slight fears that arise when confronted, with questions like
"where have you been," "who were you with," "where are you going?"

I'm going crazy in two different shades of grey
who knows fury like a woman scorned?
I adorned you with roses while you left me the thorns

And its ok, I'm still Cyrano, you're my Lady Day
Lady come save my day, like they do in the movies
And we can act on our passions,
Dance into the night to our soul's progression



- in order to get something you've never had, you must do something you've never done. -