8 of 30 More Poems for Me

I'm so imprisoned by my feelings I can't escape their hold. They have me under lock and key, unable to express myself truly. So I hold back or better yet censor how I feel in some misguided attempt to protect myself from falling again and possibly looking foolish again. So I maintain that I have no room for love, no time to be loved, No desire to be reacquainted with how it feels to be desired.

I play make believe with other's feelings, believing if I have no feelings, theirs will fade away. I say I'm so faded, jaded by the past, only holding on to it so I won't be forced into an unfamiliar future. Say my issues with love are financial, like I lost a fortunate on a love tip that proved to be nothing more than Cupid's drunken thoughts of how if you tell her, she will notice.

Don't mind me right now, I'm imprisoned by my feelings. Won't allow myself the satisfaction of satisfying needs, addicted to being needed so bad I'm needy. Only to say I don't need you because misery loves company so I take your hand, get you on my level by being everything you say you need only to say I can't be the one to fulfill your desires.

Write my fears in love poems, to hide all I think may make you like my words. My solitude strangles me. I break free of my feelings only to feel the need to go back to them like I'm institutionalized.

I internalize my feelings, express them as passionate poetry, speak plainly so there's no reason to read between the lines. I tell others to believe in the power of love, I'm so hypocritical, put myself in critical condition, like life support will make love easier to bear.

But I'm just a prisoner of my feelings, keep them bottled up like they're in solitary confinement. Trying to expunge myself of them like they are on consignment. Just trying to feel again, knowing that I'm going places but back isn't one of them.

30 days, 30 Poems: Day 4

So I have been writing just don't have internet access at the crib, so this is where my problem lies. But I have poems four through eight that I'm about to post as I haven't done one for today yet. As always, enjoy and feedback is greatly appreciated..

Day 4: A Poem for my Son

If I never say I love you enough, I'm sorry

I know I'm not the man you need me to be

Or the man I know I can be, but I'm with you

I'll never forget you or what you mean to me

So don't let anyone draw conclusions for you

When the storm clouds form & the rain starts to fall

I hope you feel my love in the wind

I hope it carries away those empty feelings

Those lonely feelings

And I know words aren't actions

But don't think they aren't important

So it's important for you to know that I think of you as often as I breathe

And I know I'm not perfect, I won't pretend to be.

I still remember, listen to the sound of the wind

If you can hear it, listen with your heart.

To the whispers that will comfort you,

Just listen, to the howls of the wind,

Let it remind you of a time when everything was peaceful.

I remember, the feelings, all of them

Good and bad, right and wrong,

You will feel them too.

Know that storms come & go but the wind,

The wind moves thoughts & emotions & sends messages

So you are not alone because I'll always be in the wind

Whether its a summer breeze

Or the eye of the storm, thinking of you

Wanting you to learn to move like the wind

Be strong but gentle

Felt but unseen

Known but not understood

Son I just want you to think free, like the wind.

30 Day Poem Challenge... Up Through day 3

Happy new year... Yeah I know its April but its my first post since forever and a day ago. But I'm back because April is National Poetry month. I know I missed Black History month and Women's History month but hey what can I say. My goal is to post 30 poems in 30 days. I will try and post everyday the poem I did so to catch up with the first four days of the month.

Day 1: April 1, 2012            Haiku:

She moves fluidly with the music,

Her steps are as graceful as time

Day 2: April 2, 2012            Haiku

Free speech is a right not to be taken lightly

Think before you speak

Day 3: April 3, 2012          Free Write

Let's Talk, take a minute to focus on words.

Not too careful, not too care free

Say what you mean to me. Don't think

Just say, what feels right pour soul into each word like

It will represent who you'll be remembered as

Don't think, just say what's on your third eye's mind

Just be, like chords that show more theory

Than Big Bang's or conspiracies

Don't think,

Let words flow through, speak to who you dream to be

Even if you aren't sure who that is.

Don't look back on previous lines

They've gone pass like time never goes back

Let the past be the past.

Stop trying to write for audience members

Who will never fully understand what you mean

Just speak, make sure to choose your words wisely,

They shape other's lives.

When you say things, they listen

Listen to your thoughts

But don't think. No censorship because everything has purpose

Ask God, be true to who your core responds to

In moments of anxiety and fear

Do what your gut tells you to do.

Be faithful by taking chances

She's always worth it,

Everytime.

Being random is worth every line.

Don't write because you have to

Write to be free,

Write to be focused

Focus on the things you say.

Say them with dignity and determination

Say them with passion and purpose and prose

Remember being revolutionary has multiple meanings

So don't think, just write.

Choose your words carefully

As if they will be how you're remembered.

Speak with dedication and desire

Empathy and inspiration

Love and understanding

Because we are all just poetry in motion,

A walking mass of words

Energy that's combustible

To set the world a blaze and leave trails

For others to see what all we really gave

To think about the words we say

So don't think, just be

Who ever you are meant to be

                     

The Manifesto of Love

https://www.artsy.net/artist/vincent-van-gogh

I declare that this manifesto is my profession of the act of love and how it influences my everyday life so those I interact with will have some idea of where my communication efforts come from and how it impacts my train of thought

1) God is Love:

  

2) Love has no timetable nor time limit:

    There is not a set time love happens and/or ends. Love just is. Love is the moment when you care about another person's well being not just because  of how it affects you but more importantly how you can help this person(s) to get better, to be better. Love does not care if you've known this person(s) since you were children or just met them yesterday or an hour ago. When love hits you, it is undeniable and inescapable.

3) Love is not (just) a feeling:

    The love I'm speaking of here is not the physical "I love him or her because they do things for me or get things for me or give me things." This love is more than just a feeling. Its the sun rises and sunsets, summer thunderstorms. This love is a living metaphor. Loving like this makes you better, makes those around you better, makes life more peaceful and fulfilling.

4) Love is a language, a way of life:

    We can choose to live a life of love. To begin, all we have to do is simply desire to live more lovingly. Once the desire is burning inside of us we must take action to begin the journey. The first step of this journey is to learn the love language. By this I mean learn to speak to everything in creation with love. When we do this what we will find is that we are doing more listening and less talking, more thinking and less impulsive acting. We will be more conscious of our word choices, which will make the things we say more meaningful. This does not mean that we only say things people want to hear. When we are living a life of love and speaking a love language, love is felt even when we're having differences with our loved ones and our enemies.

5) Love is the truth:

    Pure and unadulterated, love is the truth. The truth is never easy to find and never finite, as is the same with love, the commonality between the two is that when they are pure, we never question their absolute existence.

6) Love is never easy:

    Love is work. Love doesn't just happen, love is the culmination of efforts to gain an understanding and appreciation for someone. We work openly and wholeheartedly to learn those we are intrigued by and infatuated with, therefore, we are working towards loving that person.

7) Saying "I Love You" means something:

    With that said, we must learn the meaning of the phrase and how to accept the phrase. "I Love You" means more and less than we want it to mean. In a romantic scenario it means "I'm committed to maintaining and building this foundation we've started called a relationship." It does not mean "I will always agree with you or your thoughts, but I will respect them and honor their validity." It does not mean that we will be together forever but we will be better for knowing one another. In life it means "I care for your well being and I will do my best to be my best so that you can be your best and we can have a positive impact on our environment." It does not mean that we won't ever argue or disagree but when we do I won't berate or degrade you emotionally, physically or mentally.

8) There's no wrong way to love, except selfishly:

    We should strive to never love selfishly or for our own personal gains. Love should be our gift to the Universe for allowing us to be. Love should not be used to torment or degrade others. We never use love as a means to control another person, love should flow as freely through us as the air we breathe.

9) Love is (in) all things:

    If we look deep enough, we will find love. It is all around us in everything from (most of) the food we eat to (most of) the music we listen to. So take some time each day and feel the love.

10) Love is faith:

      Love never questions its authenticity, not saying that everyone loves us perfectly but we must know when a person is loving us to the best of their ability and when we're loving to the best of ours. If it doesn't feel like love it most likely isn't.

11) Love is (not) blind:

      Love isn't blind it just doesn't perceive things the same way we perceive them. So just because you can't see how love is working doesn't mean it isn't working.

12) Love yourself:

      Love feeds off of itself so in order for us to love more fully and more effectively we must learn to love ourselves. This is no easy task with all of the negativity that surrounds us, but with work it can be accomplished.

These are just some of the things that I try to remember in my daily life and I'm not saying they are set in stone or that I do each one perfectly, I just strive to do this everyday and I have days when I get there and days when I don't. The main thing though is that I attempt to be a better person each and every day and that to me is what makes the difference. Enjoy.

Peace J

You Better Lose Yourself

     

  
     So I'm at the house just recorded some new tracks and re-recorded some vocals that needed to be redone. That's the beauty of having your own stuff, as my man Twint4K would say all my recordings are "sponsored by free studio time." Now I'm not saying I have the best equipment or the most expensive equipment but it certainly gets the job done, though I do need a new computer. Anyway as I was recording and subsequently listening and pseudo-mixing the vocals and the tracks I began to think about some things. One I love to just sit and make music and try to make it sound as good as it possibly can sonically and two sometimes in the midst of things I feel lost.

     Now I'm sure we've all had a feeling at one time or another where no matter what we do, it seems like we are just lost with no chance of finding our way. It also seems that when we lose our way its not just a small thing or just one thing, its a myriad of happenings. Its like the old saying, "when it rains, it pours." Sometimes we lose ourselves in our jobs or family or life happenings or whatever the situation may be, sometimes we get lost in the aspect of a situation and tend to over dramatize the actual situation. The worse thing about feeling/being lost is not knowing how to find your way again. The trek from being lost to finding yourself and your way again is a tricky journey because you have to do things that are out of your ordinary. Sometimes we get lost in the monotony of our everyday life doing the same routine for so long that you are not completely sure who you are and how you got here.

    The good thing about being lost is that in the process we often times discover something new about ourselves or the world around us that we normally would not have noticed. You may not know the strength that you hold until you find yourself in a situation that requires you to fight of fly. I'm an optimist and I tend to think that we will fight more than we will fly. Just think back on when times were rough and after the rough patch subsided, think about how much stronger you were, how many changes were made, how new things looked.

    When we find ourselves losing ourselves in whatever is going on around us, we must learn to step outside of the norm. Don't get discouraged if currently you feel like you are not where you want to be or you feel like you are losing your way. Just keep pushing and digging deep down because eventually we all find out who we really are and that is one of the greatest accomplishments we can make on this journey called life.

Peace,
          J

These Three Words

"When was the last time that they heard you say, Mother or Father I love you and when was the last time that they heard you say, daughter or son I love you."

That was a line from the incomparable Stevie Wonder, a song called These Three Words. These words are so precious but so often misused. Too often we use the phrase "I love you" as a means to an end, a selfish end at that. Too often we use this phrase to manipulate or to get what we want, I once wrote "saying I love you means nothing nowadays, niggas just say it so they can go and get laid, ladies believing it knowing they heart is getting played, acting so gullible, its a damn shame." This came from a conversation I had with a girl in college who couldn't understand why none of her relationships worked out, it always ended the same, guy gets what he wants and then she gets heartbroken. It seems she equated love with sex and as soon as a guy even showed the remote possiblity that he was interested she was ready, willing and able to put it mildly. My point is our view of love varies depending on the situation.

We often use love as a situational emotion, meaning depending on how we think we feel in a particular moment we may choose to use love. For instance, we often say I love you in times of despair such as a loved one passing or having a serious accident, we use I love you as a comforting phrase because we often feel guilty of not saying it enough or showing it enough. Or if we receive a gift from a loved one especially an expensive gift. Its as if the bigger the gift the more I love you. Now I'm not saying that every situation we say I love you in is disingenuous I'm just saying we don't use the act of loving enough.

Most people relate and recognize love in the realms of a romantic relationship. We've been programmed to view love as a romantic, sexual feeling. Just look in the world around us. From love songs to romantic comedies to romance novels, to these "reality" shows that sell sex, the idea that beauty is superficial, and that love means getting something in return and its easy to see that we've lost the identity of love. In my opinion we get too caught up that love is something aesthetic when love is all around us. In order to change our perception of love we've got to change our definition of love. If we perceive love as only something we can touch then we treat it as such. We've got to come to a higher understanding of what love is and what it isn't. To me love is everything, its the energy around us, its the man on the street, its the kids playing, its the birds in the sky. We have to expand our horizon on love and the effect it has on everything around us. If we can change how we define love then it can begin to work more authentically in our lives. Things would be less stressful and we would be more in tune with life, which would help us lead a more fulfilling life.

Don't take for granted that love is all around us and don't take loved ones for granted either. Let's gain a higher understanding of what love is and what it isn't. Agape.

The Magnificient

Its been a minute since my last post, but today I'm feeling some type of way. Today, God presented him/herself in one of the most awesome ways I have seen/felt in a while. I've always felt the presence of God in everyday life situations and I think I've always known how mighty God is but I've never really shared or talked about it. Maybe its because I didn't know how to express myself or maybe its because I felt like I didn't have to express myself, either way my point is I see it and feel it whether you know it or not.

In my opinion God is awesome because God doesn't care what your religion is, God doesn't care if you go to church every Sunday, God doesn't even care if you are not perfect. God is awesome because despite all of your short comings God is God, whether you believe it or not. Today I learned (again) that you speak into existence what you want and that God hears it exactly as you speak it. For instance I was talking to a gentleman today and I said that I play the piano and that I'm not the best or the worst and he stopped me and said that even the little statement of me saying I'm not the best or the worst was negative which made me think, how much time do we spend actually speaking negativity into existence without even realizing it?

To me, God is awesome because God shows him/herself in an array of ways and they are always palatable if you know what God sounds/looks/acts like. For me God sounds like the people in my life that I love and trust the most. Sometimes its one of my grandmothers, sometimes its an aunt sometimes a close friend and even sometimes in my favorite songs, but I always know. God to me looks like women for the most part but always a shining light. I can't quite describe the light but I always know within minutes of our conversation that I'm speaking with God. In women God is loving, beauty, nurturing, absolute. In men God is authoritative, exact, caring, comforting. In both when I see God I feel comforted, I feel true, I feel worthy.
I was reminded today that I am still with God and even though my current road is rough, I'm not forgotten and God always has people watching me around me, encouraging me keeping me close and reminding me of who I am and that I am worthy.

"If this was the last verse I ever wrote/what would I leave behind for everyone to know/know that I tried/and always did the best that I can/I'm not perfect/I barely was an average man/but I, stand for fam/and I write for freedom/tried to stay positive/tried to keep on believing/so peace to the dead/and the ones that's still breathing/you gotta keep up your head/and you gotta keep reaching/from the bottom of my heart/to the depths of my soul/these are the things that I think you should know/always keep your peace/and never forget/that throughout this life/you might lose your step/always keep your cool/and never lose your head/keep your family first/these are the rules to live/pop I made it/look at ya kid/the whole world is listening to the words I said/who would'a knew"