A Letter of Hope

I struggled to find the words to set up this letter. I hope you read this with an open heart and mind and you share it with someone. As always thank for reading. Comments are welcome.

Dear Sandra Bland,

      I've never done this before. I'm sorry, you didn't deserve this, I shouldn't have to get to know you like this. Just like I shouldn't have gotten to know Trayvon Martin or Mike Brown or Jonathan Ferrell or Tamir Rice or Eric Garner or Oscar Grant or Yvette Smith or Melissa Williams and Timothy Russell or Rekia Boyd and so many others like this, but Pac said smile through the bullshit so I'm going to smile. It's nice to finally meet you, I've heard so much about you, about all of you and so you all know we know what they say is bullshit. They said you didn't signal right, he was a punk and they always get away. He tried to grab the gun, he needed help but was in the wrong neighborhood for that. He was a kid being a kid playing with a BB gun, I did it too. He couldn't breathe or was selling illegal cigarettes. He was fighting on a train. They said she had a gun but she didn't, they led cops on a high speed chase, she was shot in the back of the head while hanging with friends. isn't that how they like to see us though, hanging with friends.

  You all deserved better. You all deserved to see a new day, deserved to know your lives matter. And I'm not saying you're perfect, none of us are but I didn't want to have to meet you this way. I'd rather meet you like you meet a distant relative at a family reunion, you know the one on your mommas, daddy's sister's brother's cousin side. Or that cousin who been gone too long that came back to town with stories that probably aren't true. That crazy uncle who always has money to give and a story to tell. That cousin you haven't seen since y'all were kids but you pick up right where you left off back then. Or That great aunt who always brings the sweet potato pie and you don't know the secret ingredient but she says it's love and you believe her because that's what it tastes like. Yeah that's how we should have met.

We should have met discussing your dreams, your aspirations like yeah, Sandra wants to be a doctor or a civil rights activist or a chef or whatever you wanted to be, you discussed it with such a passion that we could feel it in your soul. I wish I didn't have to know your names or I wish I knew your names because you were a CEO of a fortune 500 company or an architect or an engineer just something, anything where your heart still beats, where your dreams are still yours and not floating in the wind with your spirits.

   But instead, we're here with questions like what happened why is it still happening, when is it enough? Having to defend saying black lives matter because the majority can't see or refuse to see the assault on black lives. All they say is what about black on black crime or what about Chicago and Baltimore. They don't even realize we know those lives matter too, we know all lives matter and we'd rather not have to use the hash tag, but we refuse to let this be swept under the rug or placed in the back of the closet where America likes to keep the mirror it hates to look in.

But I'm getting off topic, it's not about them or me, it's about you and everyone like you who didn't get the chance to shine, to change, to grow, to inspire, to live, to learn from mistakes, to get justice, to see their day in court, to choose who they would become, to be a human being.

 It was nice to have met you though your time was short-lived and I barely know your name.

Sincerely,

Hope for the future

A Series of (mostly) Unrelated Questions

Hello there,

Long time no post. I've been on my slacking game really hard lately but its about high time that I step up and post some things for those of you who still take the time to check on my page. I appreciate it and I appreciate you. This piece came from a question I had that formulated other questions and I just decided to go with it. I got the idea from a poem I heard Mr. Ed Mabrey do a similar poem and I tried to do something similar. So here goes nothing, as always thanks for reading and feedback is always welcome.

What do we mean when we say we want people to be happy?
Why don't we say what we mean?
What is it about some people that sticks to our spirit so long?
Who am I to stand in the way of love? Why does my heart hurt?
Is it medical? Is it mental?
When did it all get so complex?
Where's your head at?
How come its easier to write the things I'm thinking rather than to say them?
Am I afraid of the answer? Do I already know the answer?
What's the point? Can we make it? Do you want to make it?
Am I keeping you from experiencing the love of your life?
If life is ever-changing can we really have a single love our lives?
Where is this going?
Is this a poem?
Is this what I deserve?
Where do I fit in?
Is it enough? Am I enough?
What do I want to know?
Do you ever fall after you've taken a leap of faith?
Where is my faith?
Why do we only want people to be happy when it benefits us?
Are we needy?
Do we really want happiness for them? For ourselves?
What is happiness anyway? Is it overrated?
Do we under rate our ability to be amazing?
Where are the words?
Is it ever truly over? Can we start over?
Is there a beginning and an ending, or are there only hello's and until laters?
Am I projecting? How does it feel when I say I believe in you?
Do you believe in yourself?
What am I believing?
Are we still saving the prettiest lies?
What are we saving them for? Who are we saving them for?
Is admitting defeat the same as losing?
Is grace defined by humility?
Does this sound like music because it feels like music?
Is this freedom I'm feeling?
Is freedom only defined by what you can or can't do or is it more?
If I feel it, is it real?
When do I listen to my soul?
Am I making sense?
Do I inspire you? Do I aspire you to?
Does this type of insecurity go away?
I can't hide it anymore, can you hold it for a while?
Why do some people stay in our hearts and others don't?
What is forever?
How do I find it?
What am I avoiding?
Is it the answer?
Why does my heart hurt?
Do we hurt on purpose?
Do we live on purpose?
Do we love on purpose?
When we hurt why does the lesson never seem important in the moment?
What do you like?
Do you know I always think of you?
Do you think?
Do you think the truth is helpful?
Why did I go back?
Is there an undo button? Is there an unsee option?
Is imitation really flattery in its greatest form?
Do we just want to feel better?
What do we feel bad about?
Am I just a copy?
Am I an individual?
When will the words end?
Where have you been all my life?
Is my life over?
Did I end your life?
Do I make you happy?
Do I make me happy?
Why do we base happiness on other people?
Isn't that too much for them to bare?
Why do we bear the weight of our world?
Shouldn't we ask for help?
Don't we already have help?
Why is my heart still hurting?
Hasn't it hurt enough?
Am I the one hurting it?
Will it ever get better?
Does it heal itself?
What is self?
How do we know when we found it?
Will we look different?
Will we act different?
What difference does it make anyway?
Does it matter?
Do you matter?
Isn't it all matter?

If you like what you read I would be grateful if you left comments and you can find other stuff at mallchi.bandcamp.com.

Thanks for stopping by and checking me out.

Peace J

Re:Evolution of Love The Track List

This post is for those who have been waiting and for those who purchased the preview album at the Slam tonight. Its also for those who just want to know what I've been doing. Also, this may make me actually put out the full version. We'll call this the rough draft.
1) Intro - What is Love by Denise Music by: J. Truth
2) Love Poem #9 Music by: J. Truth
3) Highlight Music by: J. Truth
4) Silhouette Woman Music by: J. Truth
5) The Motto Music by: S. Carter
6) Fighting Temptation Music by: J. Truth
7) The Feeling Music by: J. Truth
8) Satisfaction Music by: J. Truth
9) Bluz Speaks Music by: J. Truth
10) Stalker Poem
11) Feels Like Music by: J. Truth
12) This is Love by Twint4k Music by: Beats by Jake
13) Sinking 
14) Self Portrait Music by: J. Truth
15) Beauty Music by: J. Truth
16) Thankful Music by: J. Truth

Game Changer

So its been way too long since I've been here and I plan to be here more often but here is a little something I've been working on how you enjoy and let me know what you think

I wanna be next to you like sunsets on Sundays, some days I just like to stare at you, but not in a weird way, in a mind clearing way, I'm admiring one of God's hidden masterpieces

You're the Mona Lisa of my mind, a world wonder no wonder why you move masses when you walk by and rivers still rise to bow in your presence, your imperfections are still perfected

You show me truth when you get naked and I still appreciate it
I still appreciate that life lessons don't lessen the glow of your aura and how your words still flow like water out of my mouth and into existence

And your persistence at being better today than you were yesterday inspire change that can be believed in

All politics aside you're a game changer and I don't need a thousand words to tell you why, they often get in the way,

Like something in the way of things, like similes, like like as, as if it changes everything

You've changed everything from the way I phrase words to the way I say your name. This is what makes you a queen like Sheba, like Cleopatra, like Hatshetsup

When The Limelight Is Not Enough

New blog, old poem. Enjoy!

We all want our moment in the limelight
Our time to shine,
That point we go from ordinary human beings
to extraordinary human beings
But what about the grind
The come up
The blood, sweat and tears
The sacrifices
The disappointments
The point when giving up seems smarter and safer
Yet we still keep going
Because the limelight's just not enough
We tough out criticism
Appreciate applause
Know the road less traveled is our path
Because the main way is the cause
For the fall of men and women alike whose main flaw was
They only wanted the limelight
They didn't dare to think different
Didn't dare to act different
Didn't care that they were clones
Scarecrows with no heart they just knew they had to get on
False hopes of fulfillment from the shine
But the time has come
Because we are here
To help you see clearly now the bling is gone
No more minstrel show niggas
No more just for show bitches
we deal with the real so if its artificial let it be
And maybe, just maybe
If we push past fears and insecurities
Intooo happiness and our dreams
We will see what it means
When the Limelight's Not Enough

No Title

        Supposedly I'm good with words

                   I've never been much of a match with fears

             Never been able to match my fears

Always let the words lead my pen

   Never write with emotion,

         Never drink when you're sad

              Never think too deeply without pen or pad

                    Thoughts race so quickly,

Get erased so quickly 

    That I can't comprehend

                    Leave pages blank

                              Spaces blank so they'll fill themselves in

                   Fill me in

Where's your mind racing?

                    Wish I could stop chasing

                        Shattered pasts and beautifully broken tomorrows

       Like my words will fix them

                            Never look her in the eyes

          For disappointment is near

                                                   Never trust with your heart

                                   Never listen with your ears

               Don't ask me any questions I can't answer in the mirror

                                                               Don't believe your reflection its mission is clear

       Control and conquer

           It's not you I'm after, it's what's in your dreams

 This may seem sporadic but its all inter-weaved

                           Printed with purpose,

                                     To bring what lies under to the surface

I lie to myself about you until its perfect.

            Because that's how I feel

                                  How does it feel

                                           You asked for my interpretation of life, well, here it is

                              Painted as poem,

                                              Placed as plainly as stars in the sky

                 Free like the spirit in your eyes

                                                                   No need for more imagery because images often lie

                                                    But your energy doesn't

                          Feels good like similes

                                      We're more similar than I believed us to be

 Never believed us to be                                                  means freedom to me

                                      in situations where touching you

                                                 The freedom to see

       that you're gorgeous to me  

                              And maybe give birth to beauty for me.

                                       The beauty to refine lines and replenish lives.

                                               The beauty to take scattered thoughts & make conscious decisions

So what do you decide

      How do you decide

                               What's read between the lines

      How do you decide

                               What's made of our time

                                                                I never claimed to be perfect

                                                                  Never said my words moved mountains

         Or my actions spoke louder

                                 I just wanted to be

                                            Anonymous,

                                                Without feeling, 

                                                            Apathetic

  

  Wasn't ready to share my thoughts

                                                        Or emotions

                                           

                               I knew I wasn't good enough,

                     

                                                         But you insisted I was

                                                                      Made me feel like I finally got it right

                                                                                                     Finally made sense of my life

 Tried to walk away twice                                       And twice you stopped me

                                        Said I was getting in my own way

               Now you're doing the same

                           And we're doing the same dance over & over again

     You're my infidel, uninvited consumer of my thoughts

                                 Welcomed change of pace 

                                                     

                                                                                       

The Re:Evolution

 
 
   It's been such a long time since I've been on here I'm not even sure where to begin. So I'll just provide an update of what I've been up to since the last time I was here.

   I've been diligently working on finishing this Re:Evolution of Love project and I'm glad to say I'm almost there, I just need to get a couple of people to record some things for me then I can finish mixing it. I've been listening a lot to it and I am excited about how the poems/songs came out. I definitely have to thank some people for helping me out, my homie my brother 24K, Melissa, Denise and L.A. for providing me with their definitions of what love is they definitely make the album. Ms. Stuart for being my cover model. Carlos Robson for (eventually when I stop procrastinating) providing some vocals for me on a track. Lyric (again eventually) for assisting me with the business/legal side of protecting my work. LaShonda for pushing me consistently and last but not least LaToya for letting me be a bum and looking out for me. I will have a more

This ride of putting together a project like this for me has been an interesting because it has gone through so many transformations since I first thought of the idea. I went from wanting to have three sections which explored different concepts of love to a conglomerate of the different aspects of love. When I listen to it I get a feeling that it's a really good project but I want to make it a really great project so that is what I'm working on. So until the next time you can check out a track (and download it even) from the upcoming CD. The track is called Fighting Temptation and you can listen/download here or here.


  I won't promise to blog more consistently but I will blog as much as I can and not just about my poetic/musical endeavors.


Peace, J

The Edge

“If I didn't define myself for myself, I would be crunched into other people's fantasies for me and eaten alive.”


― Audre Lorde

So the other night I was watching "The Best Man" because I don't have cable and I didn't have anything else to watch and near the climax of the movie the character Merch said this quote speaking to Candy. That is neither here nor there just providing some context on why I chose this quote.
 
     Anyway, the past few months have been rather rough for me if I should say so myself. In addition to being laid off again I have been unable to find any employment, I've had to have THE TALK with my son, I've barely made rent each of the last two months and I had to pawn my keyboard. Now I can't say that its been all bad because I was apart of an awesome show Thanks to Michael Clayton you can check the reviews here. I felt like I had a pretty good performance and want to do more. That was a step in the right direction and I will be attending a songwriting workshop next Saturday and I am in a grant writing class with my sister so I am definitely in the ebb and flow of things. However, I am just feeling like I'm on a path that leads nowhere. I feel so on edge lately like I cannot do anything right financially and I keep digging myself deeper into a hole trying to get out of the hole. Its crazy. I've been looking for people to give me their honest assessment of what love is and means to them for my Re:Evolution project which I will be finished with in a matter of weeks. My friends/business partners have started an entertainment website called SoundWavez Studios its your one stop shop for all your production needs. We will soon be opening a full service studio on the beach. In the meantime click on the link and get some free music.
 
       I've always known this road I travel was never meant to be easy or paved with glitter and gold, but I am finding myself losing my faith and determination and motivation. I'm hoping that by writing I will keep the willpower I need to make it to my destination. I'm learning that I can't do it all by myself and that I need people in my corner and I need to take advantage of the connections I've made and just build with those who are on a similar journey as I am. Its difficult because I feel like on  the one hand I should already be there and on the other that I don't belong. Still, everyday I thank God for the breath that I take, apologize for the ones that I waste. Until next time, keep doing what you're doing and keep moving towards your goals and dreams no matter what they may be or how far away they may seem. It's never too late until you stop trying.
 
Peace, J

Self - Portrait

Here is my latest video doing a poem:



Hope you enjoy thanks for watching leave a comment.

9/30 Well Technically

OK, so this poem was technically written on 3/27/12 however, I think its a dope poem worth sharing. It came on a sleepless night when Rose Royce was on Pandora.
Enjoy!

Sleep don't come easy

For lover's who keep picking at the scabs of their wounded pas
                                                            Sleep don't come easy
For writer's who block the path of words by choosing not to write
                                                          Sleep don't come easy
For mother's waiting for the return of their son's, whose last words were
"I'll be right back", who knew death sentences were as simple as Facebook statuses
Or as complicated as laws that say the last man standing can claim self-defense
Whether or not the victim was pleading for his life.
9-1-1 tapes are a joke in your town and Public Enemy number one
Wear hoodies and eat skittles
Or have football scholarships and are about to be somebody.
                                                              Sleep don't come easy
For father's who pray that their sons and daughters make it our of adolescence and into adulthood safely
                                                           Sleep don't come easy
For the broken-hearted who refuse to take a chance on love for fear of falling
Or the heart-broken who didn't get a chance to make amends & say goodbye to their loved ones
No,                                             
                                                      Sleep don't come easy
In the early hours of the morning when the holy spirit is speaking through you or
Speaking to you through song
                                                Sleep won't come easy
For the inmate on death row, convicted of crimes not committed
No retrials or appeals
No stay of execution
No presidential pardons
There's no rest for the weary or the soldiers
We all must carry on,
Rest when we die and sing our redemption songs
Songs of freedom
Know that
                                   Sleep won't come easy
But joy
Comes in the morning

8 of 30 More Poems for Me

I'm so imprisoned by my feelings I can't escape their hold. They have me under lock and key, unable to express myself truly. So I hold back or better yet censor how I feel in some misguided attempt to protect myself from falling again and possibly looking foolish again. So I maintain that I have no room for love, no time to be loved, No desire to be reacquainted with how it feels to be desired.

I play make believe with other's feelings, believing if I have no feelings, theirs will fade away. I say I'm so faded, jaded by the past, only holding on to it so I won't be forced into an unfamiliar future. Say my issues with love are financial, like I lost a fortunate on a love tip that proved to be nothing more than Cupid's drunken thoughts of how if you tell her, she will notice.

Don't mind me right now, I'm imprisoned by my feelings. Won't allow myself the satisfaction of satisfying needs, addicted to being needed so bad I'm needy. Only to say I don't need you because misery loves company so I take your hand, get you on my level by being everything you say you need only to say I can't be the one to fulfill your desires.

Write my fears in love poems, to hide all I think may make you like my words. My solitude strangles me. I break free of my feelings only to feel the need to go back to them like I'm institutionalized.

I internalize my feelings, express them as passionate poetry, speak plainly so there's no reason to read between the lines. I tell others to believe in the power of love, I'm so hypocritical, put myself in critical condition, like life support will make love easier to bear.

But I'm just a prisoner of my feelings, keep them bottled up like they're in solitary confinement. Trying to expunge myself of them like they are on consignment. Just trying to feel again, knowing that I'm going places but back isn't one of them.

More Poems 7/30

I haven't been as committed to the poems as I should be. Various reasons could be made as to why I haven't kept up well but I won't get into that. I'll just post some poems.

                                                        A Thousand Kisses

I'll kiss you anywhere,
Even there, behind your ear
Listening to your body's desires
Mood music moves inhibitions to the back of our minds
So I'll place kisses down your spine to send messages of lust
Through your neurons
A kiss on your neck, soft enough to represent
The Gentle nature of my intent.

I'll intentionally kiss your lips,
To get a full taste of your sweet embrace
Syncopate my lips to the gyration of your hips
Make me tongue tied, while I suck your lips dry
I can keep up with your pace

I'll kiss your inner thighs,
From back of knee to inner crease
Cause you know how much of a tease I like to be
I'll kiss your gift-bearing hips,
Make this my second favorite place
To the small of your back
Because I like to make you wait

I'll kiss your rib cage,
One for each rib I gave
For us to be made whole
I'll call this your body's appreciation
I'm going to show my dedication for learning your wants
Like the back of my hand

I kiss the back of your hand to represent your royalty
Call you Queen because I am serving thee
So I place kisses at your feet
Run my tongue up your mid-section
Because I know it makes you smile

I'll make sure to make you laugh often
Since you said it turns you on
Like when I caress your breasts

I know I'm supposed to be using my lips but
I can't keep my hands off of you
Lady, I'll kiss your cheeks like we are best friends
Kiss your collar bone to make amends

A kiss to your forehead to signal the night just begins

Yes I'll kiss you anywhere
Especially there
And There

30 Poems, 30 Days - Day 6

Gorgeous look, softly gazing my way

Her eyes melt my ice box, stone-faced barrier

Her smile, reminds me beauty is only skin deep

So I get lost in those soul searching windows

Searching for her truth,

Wondering if she's knowingly doing this to me

Or if it's accidental like an F sharp

In the middle of an E minor chord,

Her theory is undeniable

She still doesn't know,

I still haven't told her she's my dream girl

But somehow we're still here in this moment.

She brushes her hair from her face so gently

I'm wondering if she's doing this to me on purpose

Like my purpose for being is

To be mesmerized by her subtleties

She subtly moves in a direction closer to me

And my breath escapes me

She smells like angels ought to smell

Everything about her is perfect, yet I know she isn't

She moves like the daughter of the wind

And in an instant

She's gone with the wind

Nothing more than a memory

And a reminder

That time waits for no man

So if you're going to do it,

Its best to do it now

30 Poems, 30 Days - Day 5

Beauty Within

I want to make you feel beautiful

Like portraits of the abstract

Like poetry in its purity

Like seeing God in children

Beautiful,

Like stars being aligned,

Your magnetic pull makes my sun

Orbit around your Earth

Causing shifts in my planetary design

Your waves crash

My sea shores reminding me

You're forever engraved

In my memory banks

And you make me rise like high tide

I want you to feel sexy,

Like the way you sip wine

Or how your clothes fit so fine

I want you to feel sexy

Like unspoken lines,

Or the right compliment at the right time

When I say I want to see you naked

I'm not asking you to take your clothes off

Though it is much appreciated

I want you to feel sexy in your vulnerability

Let me caress your self doubt into self affirmation

I want to explore your body's wonderland

Find the buried treasures

That make you feel beautiful

Like chord progressions,

Like love songs,

Like fore play

Let me play for you

Songs that make your heart open

The touch that makes your mind wander

Wondering how I know where you like to be touched

Its kinetic energy

I'm drawn to you like you're my canvas

And I'm your pen

You'll be my greatest work

I'll call you my Starry Night,

Then cut off my ear

If that means you'll feel beautiful

Like portraits of the abstract,

Like poetry in its purity

Like seeing God,

Beautiful

30 days, 30 Poems: Day 4

So I have been writing just don't have internet access at the crib, so this is where my problem lies. But I have poems four through eight that I'm about to post as I haven't done one for today yet. As always, enjoy and feedback is greatly appreciated..

Day 4: A Poem for my Son

If I never say I love you enough, I'm sorry

I know I'm not the man you need me to be

Or the man I know I can be, but I'm with you

I'll never forget you or what you mean to me

So don't let anyone draw conclusions for you

When the storm clouds form & the rain starts to fall

I hope you feel my love in the wind

I hope it carries away those empty feelings

Those lonely feelings

And I know words aren't actions

But don't think they aren't important

So it's important for you to know that I think of you as often as I breathe

And I know I'm not perfect, I won't pretend to be.

I still remember, listen to the sound of the wind

If you can hear it, listen with your heart.

To the whispers that will comfort you,

Just listen, to the howls of the wind,

Let it remind you of a time when everything was peaceful.

I remember, the feelings, all of them

Good and bad, right and wrong,

You will feel them too.

Know that storms come & go but the wind,

The wind moves thoughts & emotions & sends messages

So you are not alone because I'll always be in the wind

Whether its a summer breeze

Or the eye of the storm, thinking of you

Wanting you to learn to move like the wind

Be strong but gentle

Felt but unseen

Known but not understood

Son I just want you to think free, like the wind.

30 Day Poem Challenge... Up Through day 3

Happy new year... Yeah I know its April but its my first post since forever and a day ago. But I'm back because April is National Poetry month. I know I missed Black History month and Women's History month but hey what can I say. My goal is to post 30 poems in 30 days. I will try and post everyday the poem I did so to catch up with the first four days of the month.

Day 1: April 1, 2012            Haiku:

She moves fluidly with the music,

Her steps are as graceful as time

Day 2: April 2, 2012            Haiku

Free speech is a right not to be taken lightly

Think before you speak

Day 3: April 3, 2012          Free Write

Let's Talk, take a minute to focus on words.

Not too careful, not too care free

Say what you mean to me. Don't think

Just say, what feels right pour soul into each word like

It will represent who you'll be remembered as

Don't think, just say what's on your third eye's mind

Just be, like chords that show more theory

Than Big Bang's or conspiracies

Don't think,

Let words flow through, speak to who you dream to be

Even if you aren't sure who that is.

Don't look back on previous lines

They've gone pass like time never goes back

Let the past be the past.

Stop trying to write for audience members

Who will never fully understand what you mean

Just speak, make sure to choose your words wisely,

They shape other's lives.

When you say things, they listen

Listen to your thoughts

But don't think. No censorship because everything has purpose

Ask God, be true to who your core responds to

In moments of anxiety and fear

Do what your gut tells you to do.

Be faithful by taking chances

She's always worth it,

Everytime.

Being random is worth every line.

Don't write because you have to

Write to be free,

Write to be focused

Focus on the things you say.

Say them with dignity and determination

Say them with passion and purpose and prose

Remember being revolutionary has multiple meanings

So don't think, just write.

Choose your words carefully

As if they will be how you're remembered.

Speak with dedication and desire

Empathy and inspiration

Love and understanding

Because we are all just poetry in motion,

A walking mass of words

Energy that's combustible

To set the world a blaze and leave trails

For others to see what all we really gave

To think about the words we say

So don't think, just be

Who ever you are meant to be

                     

Let Me Hold Your Hand

I know what you're thinking, because I'm thinking the same thing... What took you so long? I have been on a hiatus to say the least, and while I haven't stopped writing, I have gotten out of my writing "groove" so to speak. So this is me getting my "groove" back.

This post was inspired by my training class at work, I recently shared some poetry with them and was explaining how I was asked to write a poem for a lady about the love she has for her significant other and how while I was intrigued by the idea, I had no idea on where to begin or how to convey her feelings for a man that I know nothing about. So, naturally I've been giving her the run-around about when the poem is going to be finished because one, I haven't begun and two its hard to write a poem when all I have to go off of is his blue eyes and her undying love. Basically, I'm trying to make sure the poem doesn't suck because I have a reputation to uphold, even if it is a small reputation. Anyway, as I began writing this piece on like Sunday or Monday of this past week, I thought about how a simple act of holding hands could mean so much, which brings me back to my training class. One of the ladies said something to the effect of we do a lot of things with people, but we don't hold hands with everyone. Which I would say is true. I can't begin to think of the last time I held someone's hand that wasn't my son or a family member or someone whom I really meant to hold their hand. In some ways holding hands is even more intimate than having intercourse with someone.
There are so many different emotions that go along with holding hands from being scared and needing to feel safe and secure, to being made to feel wanted by your loved one. Which brings me back to the poem for this lady (I know I'm going the extreme seneic route but its been a while since I've been here) I want the poem to convey all of the feelings she wants me to convey through the act of holding hands. I just feel this would be an awesome love poem so with that said, I began writing this like Sunday or Monday and by no means is it finished and it didn't even come out the way I wanted it to. I can't decide if this is a poem or lyrics to a song (Re:Evolution anyone?)

So I will share what I have because I have been meaning to blog for the longest time, hope you all enjoy and leave some feedback and/or comment and thanks for reading, I really appreciate you.

It's been a while,

since we had this time to talk,

to think, to say,

the things we really mean to say

It's been a while,

I remember the day infatuation

faded away

And we were left staring

At the truth of one another,

and there was nothing left to say,

but baby let me hold your hand

Stand the test of time with you,

together we can shine if you,

just let me hold your hand

These questions that I ask of you,

are merely a reflection of who you push me to be,

hopefully I push you too,

out of this plane,

so that we finally learn

we can fly,

But if we should fall

I promise,

I'll be there to hold your hand,

the entire way to the ground,

I'll be grounded when you need me to be,

a silly dreamer if you want that of me,

I'm not asking that you fall for me

I'm simply asking that you

let me hold your hand,

When life's disappointments are too much for me

or nothing goes how it's supposed to be

and when I'm not strong enough

to stand

Baby won't you let me hold your hand

I like how you're not impressed so easily

and the fresh perspective of life you see

But one thing I want you to understand,

we weren't meant to be alone

so let me hold your hand.

The Manifesto of Love

https://www.artsy.net/artist/vincent-van-gogh

I declare that this manifesto is my profession of the act of love and how it influences my everyday life so those I interact with will have some idea of where my communication efforts come from and how it impacts my train of thought

1) God is Love:

  

2) Love has no timetable nor time limit:

    There is not a set time love happens and/or ends. Love just is. Love is the moment when you care about another person's well being not just because  of how it affects you but more importantly how you can help this person(s) to get better, to be better. Love does not care if you've known this person(s) since you were children or just met them yesterday or an hour ago. When love hits you, it is undeniable and inescapable.

3) Love is not (just) a feeling:

    The love I'm speaking of here is not the physical "I love him or her because they do things for me or get things for me or give me things." This love is more than just a feeling. Its the sun rises and sunsets, summer thunderstorms. This love is a living metaphor. Loving like this makes you better, makes those around you better, makes life more peaceful and fulfilling.

4) Love is a language, a way of life:

    We can choose to live a life of love. To begin, all we have to do is simply desire to live more lovingly. Once the desire is burning inside of us we must take action to begin the journey. The first step of this journey is to learn the love language. By this I mean learn to speak to everything in creation with love. When we do this what we will find is that we are doing more listening and less talking, more thinking and less impulsive acting. We will be more conscious of our word choices, which will make the things we say more meaningful. This does not mean that we only say things people want to hear. When we are living a life of love and speaking a love language, love is felt even when we're having differences with our loved ones and our enemies.

5) Love is the truth:

    Pure and unadulterated, love is the truth. The truth is never easy to find and never finite, as is the same with love, the commonality between the two is that when they are pure, we never question their absolute existence.

6) Love is never easy:

    Love is work. Love doesn't just happen, love is the culmination of efforts to gain an understanding and appreciation for someone. We work openly and wholeheartedly to learn those we are intrigued by and infatuated with, therefore, we are working towards loving that person.

7) Saying "I Love You" means something:

    With that said, we must learn the meaning of the phrase and how to accept the phrase. "I Love You" means more and less than we want it to mean. In a romantic scenario it means "I'm committed to maintaining and building this foundation we've started called a relationship." It does not mean "I will always agree with you or your thoughts, but I will respect them and honor their validity." It does not mean that we will be together forever but we will be better for knowing one another. In life it means "I care for your well being and I will do my best to be my best so that you can be your best and we can have a positive impact on our environment." It does not mean that we won't ever argue or disagree but when we do I won't berate or degrade you emotionally, physically or mentally.

8) There's no wrong way to love, except selfishly:

    We should strive to never love selfishly or for our own personal gains. Love should be our gift to the Universe for allowing us to be. Love should not be used to torment or degrade others. We never use love as a means to control another person, love should flow as freely through us as the air we breathe.

9) Love is (in) all things:

    If we look deep enough, we will find love. It is all around us in everything from (most of) the food we eat to (most of) the music we listen to. So take some time each day and feel the love.

10) Love is faith:

      Love never questions its authenticity, not saying that everyone loves us perfectly but we must know when a person is loving us to the best of their ability and when we're loving to the best of ours. If it doesn't feel like love it most likely isn't.

11) Love is (not) blind:

      Love isn't blind it just doesn't perceive things the same way we perceive them. So just because you can't see how love is working doesn't mean it isn't working.

12) Love yourself:

      Love feeds off of itself so in order for us to love more fully and more effectively we must learn to love ourselves. This is no easy task with all of the negativity that surrounds us, but with work it can be accomplished.

These are just some of the things that I try to remember in my daily life and I'm not saying they are set in stone or that I do each one perfectly, I just strive to do this everyday and I have days when I get there and days when I don't. The main thing though is that I attempt to be a better person each and every day and that to me is what makes the difference. Enjoy.

Peace J

Love in the 4th Person

This post came to me after looking at some old poems and some friends Facebook pages. (No I wasn't cyber stalking, this time lol) but it reminded me that when we love for selfish reasons, we can not accept selfless love. The poem that I'm going to post was written probably six years ago. Earlier today I wrote an apology on my FB page that said "I apologize for loving you selfishly, I thought it was selflessly, its funny how similar the two are." That was intended for a certain person but she doesn't believe it and I can't make her. Maybe I should have said it to her directly but I thought its better served for everyone to see because I can think of multiple times where I have loved selfishly under the guise of unconditional love. Hope you guys enjoy this piece as I've never read it for anyone or shared it with anyone. Oh and I also got some help from some co-workers of mine from my Hartford days. Anyway here goes;

She kissed me with the same betrayal as Judas did Christ
Lacking serendipity to escape being deceived twice
She penetrated my mind like the crown of thorns penetrated His head
She pierced my side, feet and hands like the nails they used to
Hold Him to the cross

She crucified me
Said her heart was broken
and living wasn't an option

I opted to stay up, not able to sleep
Something she said plays on my mind
Like a song on repeat

I didn't see the signs
I knew she was heartbroken
Still in love with the one she said kept her breathless
He said she kept him breathless
Touched his mind, body, spirit

They connected from the mind,
To the body, and
Soul mates they were

And here I was in the middle
Three's a crowd, not company
What's comforting is
I want her to be happy

But not with him

She said she loved me unconditionally
Except for the fact that we were raised differently
I told her I was raised to see sunrises and sunshine
But to know the rain was never too far behind

So I had a melancholy outlook on love
She said she had the same outlook on life
But we gelled together like a Thelonious Monk song
Round Bout Midnight

So far off time
But perfectly in time
We were perfectly in line
For the next note
The next moment in time that's imperfect

Re: Evolution of Love

I'm back and even though I haven't posted in weeks it feels good to be back. I'm working on a new poetry project entitled The Re:Evolution of Love. Ever since I completed my first project Morning Service I wanted to do an album of love poems and songs. This is what the new project is going to be. But putting it together has been more eye opening than I thought. First I was just going to take some of the poems about love that I already had and make backing music to them but then I got the idea to make sections, three in total Eros, Philia, and Agape. Each set of poems within the section will describe the feeling of the particular type of love. As I was/am going through my archives I am finding things out about each type of love that I had not known. I'm also finding out things about me that I didn't know. To say the least this project is a struggle, from finding music that is moving to writing new material I'm finding it difficult to get it out, but I know its in there. So I began to look inside myself and my surroundings to see what the problem is.
 This journey where ever it leads me, I feel like on the other side I'm going to be a changed poet, a changed person and have a renewed spirit.

I'm beginning to no longer believe in the notion of love as it pertains to romantic relationships. I have no one to blame but myself for letting it get to this point. Its easy to fall into infatuation with some one, its hard to love them and almost impossible to have that unconditional type of love for a person. I fooled myself into thinking I had achieved this for a person but that was before the "end" of our time together. I thought not caring was the same as loving unconditionally but I was wrong. Not caring in itself is self-sabotage to truly loving when you break down the reasons for not caring.

For me it was "well if it doesn't bother her to treat me this way, it doesn't bother me to act apathetic towards her" but what I really was saying was "I'm upset that you aren't loving me the way I want to be or deserve to be loved." I know a lot of times when people think of Eros they immediately think of physical, sensual, erotic, sexual love. In my opinion it also is selfish love meaning we give our love selfishly. For instance, "I love you because you do this or that for me, and if you stop doing those things I won't love you anymore." Its like we have to have a reason to give love, make it beneficial for us.

Now don't get me wrong I'm not saying this is a good or bad ideal, I'm just saying that it is. So, how do we transcend to loving more selflessly? This to me is partially what the Re:Evolution of love is about. Showing the different types of love, the different phases of love and the transcendence we all have inside of us to love differently. For me, I want the listeners of this project to feel like," yeah I've been there," but to also feel that after listening they have the power inside them to love differently, more effectively and most of all more fully.

Hopefully it won't take me too long to complete this project but I will make sure that you get your monies worth and hopefully it will be something to talk about that changes the way we think about love, loving and being loved.

Peace, J

  Love Poem #9 by jtruth