When The Limelight Is Not Enough

New blog, old poem. Enjoy!

We all want our moment in the limelight
Our time to shine,
That point we go from ordinary human beings
to extraordinary human beings
But what about the grind
The come up
The blood, sweat and tears
The sacrifices
The disappointments
The point when giving up seems smarter and safer
Yet we still keep going
Because the limelight's just not enough
We tough out criticism
Appreciate applause
Know the road less traveled is our path
Because the main way is the cause
For the fall of men and women alike whose main flaw was
They only wanted the limelight
They didn't dare to think different
Didn't dare to act different
Didn't care that they were clones
Scarecrows with no heart they just knew they had to get on
False hopes of fulfillment from the shine
But the time has come
Because we are here
To help you see clearly now the bling is gone
No more minstrel show niggas
No more just for show bitches
we deal with the real so if its artificial let it be
And maybe, just maybe
If we push past fears and insecurities
Intooo happiness and our dreams
We will see what it means
When the Limelight's Not Enough

No Title

        Supposedly I'm good with words

                   I've never been much of a match with fears

             Never been able to match my fears

Always let the words lead my pen

   Never write with emotion,

         Never drink when you're sad

              Never think too deeply without pen or pad

                    Thoughts race so quickly,

Get erased so quickly 

    That I can't comprehend

                    Leave pages blank

                              Spaces blank so they'll fill themselves in

                   Fill me in

Where's your mind racing?

                    Wish I could stop chasing

                        Shattered pasts and beautifully broken tomorrows

       Like my words will fix them

                            Never look her in the eyes

          For disappointment is near

                                                   Never trust with your heart

                                   Never listen with your ears

               Don't ask me any questions I can't answer in the mirror

                                                               Don't believe your reflection its mission is clear

       Control and conquer

           It's not you I'm after, it's what's in your dreams

 This may seem sporadic but its all inter-weaved

                           Printed with purpose,

                                     To bring what lies under to the surface

I lie to myself about you until its perfect.

            Because that's how I feel

                                  How does it feel

                                           You asked for my interpretation of life, well, here it is

                              Painted as poem,

                                              Placed as plainly as stars in the sky

                 Free like the spirit in your eyes

                                                                   No need for more imagery because images often lie

                                                    But your energy doesn't

                          Feels good like similes

                                      We're more similar than I believed us to be

 Never believed us to be                                                  means freedom to me

                                      in situations where touching you

                                                 The freedom to see

       that you're gorgeous to me  

                              And maybe give birth to beauty for me.

                                       The beauty to refine lines and replenish lives.

                                               The beauty to take scattered thoughts & make conscious decisions

So what do you decide

      How do you decide

                               What's read between the lines

      How do you decide

                               What's made of our time

                                                                I never claimed to be perfect

                                                                  Never said my words moved mountains

         Or my actions spoke louder

                                 I just wanted to be

                                            Anonymous,

                                                Without feeling, 

                                                            Apathetic

  

  Wasn't ready to share my thoughts

                                                        Or emotions

                                           

                               I knew I wasn't good enough,

                     

                                                         But you insisted I was

                                                                      Made me feel like I finally got it right

                                                                                                     Finally made sense of my life

 Tried to walk away twice                                       And twice you stopped me

                                        Said I was getting in my own way

               Now you're doing the same

                           And we're doing the same dance over & over again

     You're my infidel, uninvited consumer of my thoughts

                                 Welcomed change of pace 

                                                     

                                                                                       

The Re:Evolution

 
 
   It's been such a long time since I've been on here I'm not even sure where to begin. So I'll just provide an update of what I've been up to since the last time I was here.

   I've been diligently working on finishing this Re:Evolution of Love project and I'm glad to say I'm almost there, I just need to get a couple of people to record some things for me then I can finish mixing it. I've been listening a lot to it and I am excited about how the poems/songs came out. I definitely have to thank some people for helping me out, my homie my brother 24K, Melissa, Denise and L.A. for providing me with their definitions of what love is they definitely make the album. Ms. Stuart for being my cover model. Carlos Robson for (eventually when I stop procrastinating) providing some vocals for me on a track. Lyric (again eventually) for assisting me with the business/legal side of protecting my work. LaShonda for pushing me consistently and last but not least LaToya for letting me be a bum and looking out for me. I will have a more

This ride of putting together a project like this for me has been an interesting because it has gone through so many transformations since I first thought of the idea. I went from wanting to have three sections which explored different concepts of love to a conglomerate of the different aspects of love. When I listen to it I get a feeling that it's a really good project but I want to make it a really great project so that is what I'm working on. So until the next time you can check out a track (and download it even) from the upcoming CD. The track is called Fighting Temptation and you can listen/download here or here.


  I won't promise to blog more consistently but I will blog as much as I can and not just about my poetic/musical endeavors.


Peace, J

The Edge

“If I didn't define myself for myself, I would be crunched into other people's fantasies for me and eaten alive.”


― Audre Lorde

So the other night I was watching "The Best Man" because I don't have cable and I didn't have anything else to watch and near the climax of the movie the character Merch said this quote speaking to Candy. That is neither here nor there just providing some context on why I chose this quote.
 
     Anyway, the past few months have been rather rough for me if I should say so myself. In addition to being laid off again I have been unable to find any employment, I've had to have THE TALK with my son, I've barely made rent each of the last two months and I had to pawn my keyboard. Now I can't say that its been all bad because I was apart of an awesome show Thanks to Michael Clayton you can check the reviews here. I felt like I had a pretty good performance and want to do more. That was a step in the right direction and I will be attending a songwriting workshop next Saturday and I am in a grant writing class with my sister so I am definitely in the ebb and flow of things. However, I am just feeling like I'm on a path that leads nowhere. I feel so on edge lately like I cannot do anything right financially and I keep digging myself deeper into a hole trying to get out of the hole. Its crazy. I've been looking for people to give me their honest assessment of what love is and means to them for my Re:Evolution project which I will be finished with in a matter of weeks. My friends/business partners have started an entertainment website called SoundWavez Studios its your one stop shop for all your production needs. We will soon be opening a full service studio on the beach. In the meantime click on the link and get some free music.
 
       I've always known this road I travel was never meant to be easy or paved with glitter and gold, but I am finding myself losing my faith and determination and motivation. I'm hoping that by writing I will keep the willpower I need to make it to my destination. I'm learning that I can't do it all by myself and that I need people in my corner and I need to take advantage of the connections I've made and just build with those who are on a similar journey as I am. Its difficult because I feel like on  the one hand I should already be there and on the other that I don't belong. Still, everyday I thank God for the breath that I take, apologize for the ones that I waste. Until next time, keep doing what you're doing and keep moving towards your goals and dreams no matter what they may be or how far away they may seem. It's never too late until you stop trying.
 
Peace, J

Self - Portrait

Here is my latest video doing a poem:



Hope you enjoy thanks for watching leave a comment.

9/30 Well Technically

OK, so this poem was technically written on 3/27/12 however, I think its a dope poem worth sharing. It came on a sleepless night when Rose Royce was on Pandora.
Enjoy!

Sleep don't come easy

For lover's who keep picking at the scabs of their wounded pas
                                                            Sleep don't come easy
For writer's who block the path of words by choosing not to write
                                                          Sleep don't come easy
For mother's waiting for the return of their son's, whose last words were
"I'll be right back", who knew death sentences were as simple as Facebook statuses
Or as complicated as laws that say the last man standing can claim self-defense
Whether or not the victim was pleading for his life.
9-1-1 tapes are a joke in your town and Public Enemy number one
Wear hoodies and eat skittles
Or have football scholarships and are about to be somebody.
                                                              Sleep don't come easy
For father's who pray that their sons and daughters make it our of adolescence and into adulthood safely
                                                           Sleep don't come easy
For the broken-hearted who refuse to take a chance on love for fear of falling
Or the heart-broken who didn't get a chance to make amends & say goodbye to their loved ones
No,                                             
                                                      Sleep don't come easy
In the early hours of the morning when the holy spirit is speaking through you or
Speaking to you through song
                                                Sleep won't come easy
For the inmate on death row, convicted of crimes not committed
No retrials or appeals
No stay of execution
No presidential pardons
There's no rest for the weary or the soldiers
We all must carry on,
Rest when we die and sing our redemption songs
Songs of freedom
Know that
                                   Sleep won't come easy
But joy
Comes in the morning

8 of 30 More Poems for Me

I'm so imprisoned by my feelings I can't escape their hold. They have me under lock and key, unable to express myself truly. So I hold back or better yet censor how I feel in some misguided attempt to protect myself from falling again and possibly looking foolish again. So I maintain that I have no room for love, no time to be loved, No desire to be reacquainted with how it feels to be desired.

I play make believe with other's feelings, believing if I have no feelings, theirs will fade away. I say I'm so faded, jaded by the past, only holding on to it so I won't be forced into an unfamiliar future. Say my issues with love are financial, like I lost a fortunate on a love tip that proved to be nothing more than Cupid's drunken thoughts of how if you tell her, she will notice.

Don't mind me right now, I'm imprisoned by my feelings. Won't allow myself the satisfaction of satisfying needs, addicted to being needed so bad I'm needy. Only to say I don't need you because misery loves company so I take your hand, get you on my level by being everything you say you need only to say I can't be the one to fulfill your desires.

Write my fears in love poems, to hide all I think may make you like my words. My solitude strangles me. I break free of my feelings only to feel the need to go back to them like I'm institutionalized.

I internalize my feelings, express them as passionate poetry, speak plainly so there's no reason to read between the lines. I tell others to believe in the power of love, I'm so hypocritical, put myself in critical condition, like life support will make love easier to bear.

But I'm just a prisoner of my feelings, keep them bottled up like they're in solitary confinement. Trying to expunge myself of them like they are on consignment. Just trying to feel again, knowing that I'm going places but back isn't one of them.

More Poems 7/30

I haven't been as committed to the poems as I should be. Various reasons could be made as to why I haven't kept up well but I won't get into that. I'll just post some poems.

                                                        A Thousand Kisses

I'll kiss you anywhere,
Even there, behind your ear
Listening to your body's desires
Mood music moves inhibitions to the back of our minds
So I'll place kisses down your spine to send messages of lust
Through your neurons
A kiss on your neck, soft enough to represent
The Gentle nature of my intent.

I'll intentionally kiss your lips,
To get a full taste of your sweet embrace
Syncopate my lips to the gyration of your hips
Make me tongue tied, while I suck your lips dry
I can keep up with your pace

I'll kiss your inner thighs,
From back of knee to inner crease
Cause you know how much of a tease I like to be
I'll kiss your gift-bearing hips,
Make this my second favorite place
To the small of your back
Because I like to make you wait

I'll kiss your rib cage,
One for each rib I gave
For us to be made whole
I'll call this your body's appreciation
I'm going to show my dedication for learning your wants
Like the back of my hand

I kiss the back of your hand to represent your royalty
Call you Queen because I am serving thee
So I place kisses at your feet
Run my tongue up your mid-section
Because I know it makes you smile

I'll make sure to make you laugh often
Since you said it turns you on
Like when I caress your breasts

I know I'm supposed to be using my lips but
I can't keep my hands off of you
Lady, I'll kiss your cheeks like we are best friends
Kiss your collar bone to make amends

A kiss to your forehead to signal the night just begins

Yes I'll kiss you anywhere
Especially there
And There

30 Poems, 30 Days - Day 6

Gorgeous look, softly gazing my way

Her eyes melt my ice box, stone-faced barrier

Her smile, reminds me beauty is only skin deep

So I get lost in those soul searching windows

Searching for her truth,

Wondering if she's knowingly doing this to me

Or if it's accidental like an F sharp

In the middle of an E minor chord,

Her theory is undeniable

She still doesn't know,

I still haven't told her she's my dream girl

But somehow we're still here in this moment.

She brushes her hair from her face so gently

I'm wondering if she's doing this to me on purpose

Like my purpose for being is

To be mesmerized by her subtleties

She subtly moves in a direction closer to me

And my breath escapes me

She smells like angels ought to smell

Everything about her is perfect, yet I know she isn't

She moves like the daughter of the wind

And in an instant

She's gone with the wind

Nothing more than a memory

And a reminder

That time waits for no man

So if you're going to do it,

Its best to do it now

30 Poems, 30 Days - Day 5

Beauty Within

I want to make you feel beautiful

Like portraits of the abstract

Like poetry in its purity

Like seeing God in children

Beautiful,

Like stars being aligned,

Your magnetic pull makes my sun

Orbit around your Earth

Causing shifts in my planetary design

Your waves crash

My sea shores reminding me

You're forever engraved

In my memory banks

And you make me rise like high tide

I want you to feel sexy,

Like the way you sip wine

Or how your clothes fit so fine

I want you to feel sexy

Like unspoken lines,

Or the right compliment at the right time

When I say I want to see you naked

I'm not asking you to take your clothes off

Though it is much appreciated

I want you to feel sexy in your vulnerability

Let me caress your self doubt into self affirmation

I want to explore your body's wonderland

Find the buried treasures

That make you feel beautiful

Like chord progressions,

Like love songs,

Like fore play

Let me play for you

Songs that make your heart open

The touch that makes your mind wander

Wondering how I know where you like to be touched

Its kinetic energy

I'm drawn to you like you're my canvas

And I'm your pen

You'll be my greatest work

I'll call you my Starry Night,

Then cut off my ear

If that means you'll feel beautiful

Like portraits of the abstract,

Like poetry in its purity

Like seeing God,

Beautiful

30 days, 30 Poems: Day 4

So I have been writing just don't have internet access at the crib, so this is where my problem lies. But I have poems four through eight that I'm about to post as I haven't done one for today yet. As always, enjoy and feedback is greatly appreciated..

Day 4: A Poem for my Son

If I never say I love you enough, I'm sorry

I know I'm not the man you need me to be

Or the man I know I can be, but I'm with you

I'll never forget you or what you mean to me

So don't let anyone draw conclusions for you

When the storm clouds form & the rain starts to fall

I hope you feel my love in the wind

I hope it carries away those empty feelings

Those lonely feelings

And I know words aren't actions

But don't think they aren't important

So it's important for you to know that I think of you as often as I breathe

And I know I'm not perfect, I won't pretend to be.

I still remember, listen to the sound of the wind

If you can hear it, listen with your heart.

To the whispers that will comfort you,

Just listen, to the howls of the wind,

Let it remind you of a time when everything was peaceful.

I remember, the feelings, all of them

Good and bad, right and wrong,

You will feel them too.

Know that storms come & go but the wind,

The wind moves thoughts & emotions & sends messages

So you are not alone because I'll always be in the wind

Whether its a summer breeze

Or the eye of the storm, thinking of you

Wanting you to learn to move like the wind

Be strong but gentle

Felt but unseen

Known but not understood

Son I just want you to think free, like the wind.

30 Day Poem Challenge... Up Through day 3

Happy new year... Yeah I know its April but its my first post since forever and a day ago. But I'm back because April is National Poetry month. I know I missed Black History month and Women's History month but hey what can I say. My goal is to post 30 poems in 30 days. I will try and post everyday the poem I did so to catch up with the first four days of the month.

Day 1: April 1, 2012            Haiku:

She moves fluidly with the music,

Her steps are as graceful as time

Day 2: April 2, 2012            Haiku

Free speech is a right not to be taken lightly

Think before you speak

Day 3: April 3, 2012          Free Write

Let's Talk, take a minute to focus on words.

Not too careful, not too care free

Say what you mean to me. Don't think

Just say, what feels right pour soul into each word like

It will represent who you'll be remembered as

Don't think, just say what's on your third eye's mind

Just be, like chords that show more theory

Than Big Bang's or conspiracies

Don't think,

Let words flow through, speak to who you dream to be

Even if you aren't sure who that is.

Don't look back on previous lines

They've gone pass like time never goes back

Let the past be the past.

Stop trying to write for audience members

Who will never fully understand what you mean

Just speak, make sure to choose your words wisely,

They shape other's lives.

When you say things, they listen

Listen to your thoughts

But don't think. No censorship because everything has purpose

Ask God, be true to who your core responds to

In moments of anxiety and fear

Do what your gut tells you to do.

Be faithful by taking chances

She's always worth it,

Everytime.

Being random is worth every line.

Don't write because you have to

Write to be free,

Write to be focused

Focus on the things you say.

Say them with dignity and determination

Say them with passion and purpose and prose

Remember being revolutionary has multiple meanings

So don't think, just write.

Choose your words carefully

As if they will be how you're remembered.

Speak with dedication and desire

Empathy and inspiration

Love and understanding

Because we are all just poetry in motion,

A walking mass of words

Energy that's combustible

To set the world a blaze and leave trails

For others to see what all we really gave

To think about the words we say

So don't think, just be

Who ever you are meant to be